So I've decided that losing weight is an awful lot like paying down old debts. I'm in this position due to years of bad choices and the only thing I can do is pay it down as best as I can and patiently wait for a light at the end of the tunnel.
I've lost 16 pounds in 9 weeks which is a perfectly healthy average of 1.8 pounds per week. I've dropped almost 3 points off of my BMI. I can officially put on and take off every pair of jeans that I own without unbuttoning or unzipping them, and yet, I woke up this morning with the mind set that all of this weight, all of these rolls, should just fall off, right now, I don't want them anymore. Just like the credit cards, I felt I've been putting so much time and energy into this that I should be farther than I am. This debt should be lower than it is.
I think part of my problem must lie in my obsession with studying weight loss and where all of the numbers should be. I'm not only tracking the calories that I eat, but also the calories that I burn, and my intake of fat, cholesterol, sodium, carbs, sugar, fiber, and protein. I think I'm driving myself mad looking for the perfect combination of all these numbers and I'm not even sure the perfect combination exists. My mind looks a little something like this:
"Eat 5-7 servings of fruit/day"
"You're starving yourself. You have to eat more"
"I said NET calories!"
"Don't forget your veggies"
"By the way, drink lots of water. But not too much or you'll die."
"Eat nuts. Did I say any nut? No, no - you have to pick from this list."
"Don't forget your fats - but not too much fat. Make sure it's the good kind of fat or you'll be obese."
"Fat, check. Calories, check. Water, okay."
"Woah woah - that's too much salt - you're going to be swollen!"
"Eat your protein. How much - 30%. 30% of what, 2000 calories?"
"Too much protein - you're going to shut down your kidneys."
I had a dream the other night in which people all over the world, young and old, were dropping like flies because they didn't get at least 30 grams of fiber every day. I was frantically searching for more sources of fiber to save our lives and screaming at Jon for only eating Big Macs. The last thing I remember is totalling up my fiber for the day and falling short at 27 grams, much like I do on a daily basis.I'm not giving up. I'm going to get the hang of this one day and I'm going to be the thin, level-headed, nutrition-conscious person I want to be, but today is not that day.