Adventures in potty training

I lost count of how many nieces and nephews I have somewhere around the number 16. I'm sure I could figure it out with a little time and a calculator but then I'd have to wonder if I should include great nieces and nephews as well and this already has me going off subject!

Anyway, my siblings have a lot of kids. I grew up with most of them but I never bothered to pay much attention to what was required to raise them. I didn't learn how often to feed and burp them, how to teach them to count, or how to actually get them to fall asleep for any stretch of time. And now that we moved so far away from my family and the ever growing population of babies it seems to create, I'm kind of on my own to figure it out. I've been known to read a few books, to consult Dr. Google from time to time, but mostly I have to rely on ques from Owen to determine when he's ready for something. It's worked pretty well so far, but I think this little thing called potty training has us both stumped.

He's only 2 and a half and diapers are still very convenient for both of us so I'm not interested in rushing anything, but I also don't want to be that mom who sends her son to college in diapers! I don't know when to start pushing it or even how to approach it and while Owen shows occasional interest in the Fisher Price potty we set out for him a while ago, he doesn't seem all that ready to get down to potty business either.

He showed plenty of sudden interest yesterday afternoon though, when I caught him standing in front of the little potty, shorts down around his ankles, and frantically pulling at this diaper. When he spotted me, he started to panic and shouted, "Oh no, Mama! Poop! Poop!"

I must admit, I got a little excited at the sight of him, so afraid he may get poop in his diaper, desperately wanting to put that poop in the potty instead. I thought this was it. Potty training has begun and it was going to be a breeze! My little boy was ready and willing and this wait and see approach finally paid off. I could save a fortune on diapers. We could buy cute little Superman underwear. I would no longer have to cringe every time a friend talked about their toilet using child who is also months younger than Owen.

I helped Owen take off his diaper, he sat down on the potty, and I started going on and on about how exciting this was! He sat there quietly as I watched. His face turned a light shade of red and he made a few grunting sounds. After a minute or two he stood up, turned around, put his face only a few inches from the rim of the potty seat and shouted, "Woooaaaaaah Mama! Owen did it!! LOOK AT THAT POOP!!!! THAT'S A BIIIIIIIIG POOP!!! That's a LOT of poop!!"

My mind racing a mile a minute trying to figure out what kind of reward to give him, I prepared myself to view my son's very first non-diaper poo! Then I bent over to peek around his little head, and I saw right into the very EMPTY toilet bowl.

Moments later he did the exact same song and dance for pee.

I give him a million brownie points for the excellent imagination and impressive acting skills, but it looks like this potty training business still has us both baffled.

Decade+

13 years ago today I said yes to a date with the sweetest, funniest dork I knew and I'm so glad I did! Otherwise my life wouldn't be full of moments like this:

Things you shouldn't say to your pregnant wife, part 2

Me: "I think I'm finally starting to look pregnant. Can you see it?"

Jon: "Yeah, especially right here!" (gesturing to my butt)

Why you can't leave me in charge of paperwork

Closet 1 of 5 = done. I wasn't cool enough to take before and after photos but you will not believe what I found: a receipt for one pregnancy test dated July 2, 2009, the same day I found out I was pregnant with Owen. I don't know how that managed to hang around this long, let alone make the move, but it was a nice trip down memory lane. Then his little brother or sister kicked me and brought me back to the present.

How we manage to eat in sit-down restaurants with an impatient toddler

Set to play on constant loop and hand over the iPhone:




We may be frying brain cells but he looks so studiously cute that the other patrons have no clue:

I have three loves in my life

My husband, my son, and Chipotle. And they were all around the dining room table for lunch today:

This kid can't get enough rice, black beans, and guacamole. It's so good he opted to forgo the fork (which he's perfectly capable of using) and use his fist because it can handle much larger quantities. Disgusting to most, I'm sure, but Mama is quite proud.

 

It could be work, it could be Facebook, or it could be Angry Birds. Whatever it is, I usually get the overwhelming urge to grab it and throw it across the room, but only while we're eating a meal. I guess I'd prefer he watch Owen and I shovel food into our mouths by the fistfuls. Then again, my iPhone must have been close enough at hand to snap these photos so who am I to complain?

It's like "Choose your own adventure" only I chose it for you...

You're waiting in the drive-thru at the bank when a blue minivan suddenly whips into the parking lot next door and parks behind the building advertising batteries. A soccer mom in her late thirties jumps out of the driver's seat and runs around to the back of the van where she is entirely hidden from street view.

She doesn't realize she's actually standing right in front of you when she quickly pulls down her shorts revealing a big, cellulite covered butt. And before you can even think WTF! she squats and unleashes enough urine to drown a large army of ants.

You're shocked by what's happening less than 100 feet away so you look around to see if anyone else has noticed. You spot the little old woman in a powder blue Cadillac in the next lane over. She's having trouble fishing her jaw out of her lap while keeping an eye on the other woman. Nope, you're not the only witness to this craziness.

After taking care of business, the woman replaces first her animal print thong, then black pleated shorts remarkably fast and climbs back into the van. You take a second to wonder if she's ever considered keeping a roll of toilet paper in the glove compartment.

She starts the engine and realizes she will have to turn the van around completely in order to get out from behind the building, and in her hurry to relieve herself, she didn't leave herself a lot of room to maneuver. This results in much rocking back and forth between drive and reverse. Just when she's almost gained enough room to leave, she looks over at the bank and notices the little old lady in the blue Caddie all wide-eyed and open-mouthed, and you, with a massive grin, obviously having a hard time holding your shit together.

She suddenly realizes she had an audience all along and whips out from behind the building almost as fast as she pulled in.

How I know I've reached hermit status

With 12 days left in my cell phone billing cycle:

Anytime minutes: 1 of 450 used

Night & weekend minutes: 17 of 5000 used

Rollover minutes: 0 of 740 used

Text messages: 75 of 1000 used


Days blogged in September: 10 of the last 17

Gift from Vegas

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr."

If you don't follow Big Bang Theory this probably looks like a really corny t-shirt, but if you're a fellow geek, then you know just how awesome my husband is for bringing it home for me!

Because I'm feeling very juvenile

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I met a new friend. Her name is Martha and she's from Minnesota. She has a very cute dog named Poppy. Poppy and Jack get along really well! We made plans to get together tonight so the dogs could have a play date. It was a lot of fun! Poppy and Jack chased each other through the yard while Martha and I got to know each other. Martha's neighbors don't keep her awake at night. Then Martha's friend Mary came out to talk to us. Mary is very nice, too. She brought her dogs Percy and Patterson. Patterson and Jack fought over a tennis ball the whole time. All of our dogs are the same colors. I think we'll be best friends 4 ever!

XOXO,
Katie

Evacuate the dance floor!

Dear Internetz,

I have a new addiction. It's Dance Central for the Kinect. I just spent 1 hour and 45 minutes DANCING, doing everything I could to score 5 stars on each song, and beat the scores of my husband's Xbox Live friends. This is funny because I'm very uncoordinated, I look ridiculous doing 99% of the moves, but I'm extremely competitive and MUST BEAT EVERYONE'S SCORE! The last time this happened an obsession with Wii Fit was born and 70 pounds were lost. So, I guess I'll see you sometime next year as I will be taking up new residence in front the family room television once again.

Love,
Kate

One very loaded statement

A text I sent to Jon midday Monday while I was dealing with extreme sinus pressure unlike any I've experienced before:

How do you manage to make it through the work day like this? I think I'd rather be giving birth...

And for those of you who don't know, since I've yet to finish Owen's birth story (it's coming soon!!) I did not receive an epidural. The sinus pressure...it was THAT BAD.

Top 10 reasons extended weekends float my boat

1. Unlimited time with Owen and his toys and his laugh and his mad musical talents.

2. Sweatpants 'round the clock.

3.Morning nap.

4. Owen!

5. Law & Order marathons.

6. Sleeping in.

7. Blogging mid-day.

8. Owen!

9. Afternoon nap.

10. Owen!

Now that's what I call a workout!

Face the color of beets, clothes sticking to skin, and legs can barely carry my weight. Damn, that feels good!

Now for some Jimmy Johnson and Survivor...

Walking a dog in the hood

Boy on bike: "Hey lady! Don't bring your dogs this way!"

Me: "Why?"

Boy: "There's a giant black dog back there and it's not tied up!"

Me: "Dammit. Black Ugly is loose again..."

Boy: "What?"

Me: "Nothing. Thanks for the warning!"

We went the other direction and walked by the ferocious, chain-link-fence-jumping, man-eating pit bull instead.

The first 6 months of status updates

Seeing as it may take a few years before I could find the time to write about all the little details of Owen's first 6 months, and because there's a pretty good chance I will have forgotten at least 50% of the little details by then, I've decided to do the next best thing: bring all of my Owen/Parenting related Facebook updates to one place.  I wasn't sure how well it was going to work, but as it turns out, it's a fairly accurate, abbreviated version of what our new life is like.

Please note: I put forth a tremendous amount of energy both on this blog and Facebook to avoid being a Negative Nancy. You are getting mostly just the positive side of the story here. I didn't think it was necessary that our friends and family know just how often I buried my face in a pillow and cried about how badly my life sucked or how many times I asked Jon for a divorce. On the bright side, I've been given permission to blame it all on hormones.

February 22

Looks like today is finally THE day! Water is broken, contractions are rolling. Owen is defying statistics and arriving on his due date!

February 27

Thank you everyone for the congrats and well wishes on our new little addition. The 3 of us are adjusting quite well to life at home, but I'm finding little time to play on Facebook! :)

February 28

Thanks for all the birthday wishes everyone!! I got the biggest and best birthday gift of all this year in Owen! :)

March 2

is leaving Jon home with the baby and heading out into the world by myself for the first time in over a week. First thought: "Man, it feels strange to be able to zip up my coat!"

March 6

put the baby down for his morning nap and attempted to take a shower, but no sooner did I get a lather in my hair when Macy begins howling from the side of the crib as if to say, "Hey stupid woman, you left the little human ALONE! What kind of mother are you?!"

March 6

Have you seen that Huggies commercial where the dad takes off his baby boy's diaper and he starts hosing down the entire room? Yeah, Owen's trying to give that little boy a run for his money today. My own clothes have become a casualty...

March 9

On the bright side...Owen is official and now has a social security number. On the not so bright side...the house, dog, and all other habitants stink of skunk. :(

March 10

So...as a breastfeeding mom, how many weeks should I plan on having my butt attached to the couch?

March 15

Forgot to study up on lullabys before having a baby. I guess it's a good thing I was able to sing Owen to sleep with Billy Liar! :D

March 18

2 night hospital stay after giving birth: $1500. Large box of Pampers Newborn diapers: $40. Discovering you have the nurturing touch to rock a crying and confused baby back to sleep at 3 in the morning: Priceless.

March 25

Who's the boss? "I am the boss!" I didn't doubt it for a second.

March 27

Owen's going for a new record: 3:30AM and he's STILL fighting sleep. As it stands, there's a pretty good chance he's going to be an only child.

March 28

The hubby and baby are over at Nana's and mommy stayed home for some 'me' time. All that crying the neighbors have been enduring has suddenly turned into a 28 year old woman belting out Ani DiFranco lyrics.

March 30

Help! I think something is terribly wrong with my child--he's sleeping AT NIGHT!!

April 5

"Peace out." Headed out for a late night ride with Daddy.

April 5

was given permission to use a mostly secluded, empty cubicle to use the breast pump in, but thought it wise to wear my shaw just in case. Good thing, because I heard someone ask another someone on the other side of the wall, "Who's over there wearing a cape?!" :-D

April 8

wants to be at home listening to the baby coo...

April 10

About to chop off the pregnancy hair...Deep breaths...you can do this.

April 10

Figures. I finally get the baby down at a reasonable hour and the hubby passes out too! I didn't realize having a baby would turn us into a couple of old fogies. ;)

April 19

Random thought #752: I wonder who has made more money off of me since Owen was born...Akron General or The Energizer Bunny?

April 22

2 months ago today I called off work by saying, "I'm not in labor, but I can't focus on work with these contractions..." Owen was born 12 hours later. :)

April 22

Forget natural childbirth...pinning a baby's arms and watching his face go from smiles to screams while he gets stuck with a needle in each thigh is the new hardest thing I've ever done! :(

April 28

I bought 504 diapers and 44 lbs of dog food on my lunch hour.

April 29

One of the best things about having a baby around is that everyone gets congratulated for an impressive burp!

April 30

OK Medela, I've officially handed over this week's entire paycheck in the hopes of being able to read a book, type a paragraph--continue living my life sans electrical outlet--while using your product. Please don't let me down.

May 2

Owen has been asleep for 10 hours straight. I keep going in there and checking on him and he's fine. If only we had the money to tire him out at Wasabi every night! :)

May 3

I just dropped the baby off at the sitter's for the first time. That was a lot harder than I thought it would be...

May 3

Thanks to Medela's Freestyle I just read 2 and a half of Dooce's blogs and updated my FB status from the filing (pumping) closet at work! I might be able to update my own blog before you know it!!!

May 4

Really hoping Owen gives his new sitter an easier time today. Turns out he was a terror yesterday!

May 5

3 days of packing up baby and delivering to sitter and still arriving to work on time, 4 nights of home cooked meals, 3 consecutive evenings of walking the dogs, and the kitchen is clean!! I think we might be on our way to becoming a functional little family again.

May 6

Jon's first day of taking care of the baby all by himself. I'm not sure who I should be more afraid for...Jon or Owen! ;)

May 10

I don't know that I've ever been so exhausted.

May 12

Only one thing in my life has remained consistent since Feb. 2nd: I fall asleep during the last 15 minutes of EVERY episode of Lost!

May 14

What does it say about me as a parent when the only thing besides me that can hold my 3 month old's attention is his bouncer and ESPN?

May 24

Woke up late, no hot water, spider dangling from shower ceiling, baby didn't want to eat--just talk, got everything and everyone loaded into the car just to notice a flat tire, and then the air compressor broke mid-fill. Hello there, Monday, I hate you too!

May 29

Getting ready for a wedding while keeping a baby happy is not fun.

May 31

Owen seemed to enjoy his first camping trip and it was really awesome for Jon and I to get out of the house

June 2
Owen's old record for sleeping in his crib: 1.5 hours. Owen's new record for sleeping in his crib: ALL NIGHT! I'm not packing up the swing yet but my little boy has done made me a proud mama. :)

June 3

I don't care what anyone says...walking in 3 inch heels AND carrying a baby in carseat is an acquired skill.

June 7

Just got a weekly newsletter from the hospital regarding childcare in the baby's third month and it opens with: "3 Good Reasons to Start Pumping Now!" They must not have gotten the memo that I was only off work for 6 weeks! I've been locking myself in a file room on every break for 2 months already. :p

June 13

Took Owen for his first swim at Nana's today! Clearly we have a water baby on our hands. He LOVED it!

June 16

Should have known he'd wait for a morning I was on my own to wake up early, poop all over EVERYTHING, be hungry enough to eat a horse, throw up on me TWICE, and still be so cute that I couldn't help but spend so much time talking to him that I was late for work.

June 20

had a fun day hanging out with Brooke and baby Savannah! It's only been 4 months since she and Owen were born but it's so amazing how much they've changed. Savannah was such a good little hostess, too! She offered her toes to Owen every chance she got. :)

June 22

I'm pretty sure the fact that Owen is sleeping with a party of 17 seated next to us is proof he can sleep through anything!

June 22

Somebody woke up and ate all my pizza.

June 26

Finally taking advantage of the fact that I'm never alone by going out to lunch with Owen then hitting the towpath with him and the jogging stroller.

July 2

A little bit of sunshine amidst all this gloom: One year ago today Jon and I learned we would be having a baby! I don't know how I'd be making it through this loss without my two men.

July 11

Why didn't anyone tell me that looking into a sick baby's eyes can capture and break your heart in 2 seconds flat?!

July 22

Word of advice: Do not veer from the MapQuest directions at 11:00 at night and it's raining and the baby is asleep in the backseat and your gas light turned on about a mile ago. A 29 minute drive can easily become 69 minutes...

July 24

Baby Einstein rocks!

July 26

is thinking of starting a "Help Katie Become a Stay at Home Mommy" fundraiser. Anyone want to donate??

July 30

29 miles left to South Bend and Owen has rocked this 4.5 hour roadtrip! The best part is he only napped 30 min so we may get some sleep tonight after all.

August 6

Looking forward to spending the weekend with Owen and having absolutely nowhere we have to be!

August 6

Dilemma: Dead batteries in swing (read: the only way the baby sleeps!) and battery drawer was empty. Solution: Held the mobile at gun point (okay, maybe it was a screwdriver) and emptied it of D-cells. I've gotten feisty in my 5.5 months as a mom!

August 10

Feet up on dashboard: We know he got at least 1 habit from mama!

August 10 

Can we have carrots for dinner?? Please!!

August 13

It would figure Owen chooses to roll over for the first time when Aunt Kristin is watching him. She'll probably witness his first steps and hear his first words too! :(

August 14

Saturday night, the baby is asleep, and the hubby and I are sitting around quizzing each other with the iCarly trivia questions on individually wrapped pieces of Frigo string cheese. We are awesome.

August 16

A little advice for all the new moms and dads and parents-to-be: Don't wake a sleeping baby. Do take a few moments every day to watch and admire the most precious little person in your life while he sleeps peacefully.

August 25

WARNING: Your baby may begin singing himself to sleep at 6 months. Be prepared for the most adorable sound you have ever heard.

Week 1 Day 1: FAIL

Dear Self,

Don't beat yourself up. Some people just aren't meant to be runners.

Love,
Your sore ankles.

So, Yeah...

Did I say I was heading into the OBGYN office with no expectations and a level head today? I'm pretty sure I lied. Although the new word is 4 centimeters. Contractions are becoming slightly stronger and the pelvic pressure is insane. I'm praying I don't have to go another 2 weeks like this.

I look and feel like an ape when I walk.

An Imaginary Conversation With My (Hopefully) Soon-to-Be-Born Son

Me: "So...I've discovered this foot hanging out near my rib cage, and I noticed that if I poke it--like this--you start wiggling like a little worm!"

Baby: "Damn it, woman! I'm out of room in here and I have no where else to put that foot, so stop it!"

Me: "Why don't you come out then?"

Baby: "It's too cold out there. I'm waiting for Spring."

The Softer Side

Lab Tech: "When are you due?"

Kate: "February."

Lab Tech: "Do you know what you're having?"

Kate: "Yes. It's a boy."

Lab Tech: "Oh, how sweet! You're carrying him very well!"

I'm not entirely sure what "carrying him very well" means, but I could have kissed her.