Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Bare With Me

If I've learned only one thing in the last 2 and a half weeks it's that NOTHING can prepare you for what it's like to live with a newborn. The prime example being that I typed that first sentence HOURS ago but as soon as I punched the period key a certain newborn began wailing because he had a messy diaper and once that was rectified he needed fed and comforted for the 1000th time tonight. I love Owen more than I can find the words for but it's been a big learning curve for Jon and I to finally see what it's like to give of ourselves unconditionally. Our lives are not our own anymore, and we knew that going in, but I--and I'm ashamed to admit this--didn't quite realize how much that would effect my psyche.

Sometimes I feel like it has been constant chaos from the moment we brought him home, but I know that's just me remembering only the bad moments, like that first night when the inability to sleep in the hospital finally caught up with me, and my 2 day adrenaline rush crashed just as the baby decided it was time to start acting like he would never sleep again. My poor mother-in-law received a pleading call at 4 o'clock in the morning from my panicked husband who had not only been dealing with a screaming infant but a sobbing wife for the entire night. I like to think that was the worst night yet, and even if it was, there have been some very close seconds. We are learning though, me especially, and fortunately I'm feeling better. I'm still really tired, but I'm feeling better.

During my pregnancy I envisioned my 6 week maternity leave to be filled with many, many awesome blog posts about my transition into motherhood but considering I'm having trouble finding the time to pay bills, do laundry, or you know, SLEEP, I don't know how much blogging I can really expect to accomplish. I am at the mercy of a newborn's schedule and I have to say he's taken after his mama in that he is not very merciful...not when it comes to something he wants.

1 comment:

Shari said...

I am so, so sorry. This is a really amazing, heartbreaking post and I am sitting here totally crying -- thank you for sharing it.