1. Never tell people "He doesn't really need anything," when it comes to your son's birthday. They may take this as an invitation to skip even a card or note saying "I love you."
2. It's silly to expect particularly forgetful family members to remember to contact you on your own birthday, even if they did labor and birth you 30 years ago.
3. Maryland doctors of obstetrics and gynecology think it's perfectly understandable to charge you $620 for delivering your baby, even if said delivery isn't expected to take place for another 17 weeks. They may also refuse further treatment if you do not provide payment in full immediately.
4. Never put your child down while walking through a potential home, even if it's by appointment and he is a perfectly mobile toddler, because you never know when the current occupants may have left their attack dog in an upstairs bedroom.
5. If you send long, emotional, and ranting texts to your husband who is 1,400 miles away he may always reply with "It'll be okay. I love you." He probably thinks he's showing sympathy but he's actually just making you feel like an unreasonable and raving lunatic.
Overall, it's been a particularly shitty week. One thing I do have going for me is this incredibly sweet gesture from one amazing little boy. I want him to sing Happy Birthday to me for the rest of my days! I love the exaggerated way he curls his lips, and note the surprise on his face when he realizes who we're singing to: