Monday, May 21, 2007

Jumping Rope

It's kind of scary how well I called the "poker party" last night. I was wrong in that we actually did play various card games, but it wasn't before our hostess openly admitted to not expecting to play at all, as her husband dealt the first round of cards. She said it was more an excuse to have Jon and I over than to actually play poker. To which Jon and I promptly replied that we would have come over for anything, so it didn't have to be for a game both her and our third female player didn't quite understand and therefore despised. But we switched it up a bit, playing a dealers choice version, and I think that everyone had a good time in the end. I took it all with a lucky game of Screw Your Neighbor. With no money involved it was all in good fun, anyway.

It was also nice to get together with other married couples for once. Of course, this didn't change the fact that I'm still a very quiet, mousy person who, at first, comes off very snobby just because I don't have much to say. I do my best to exaggerate my interest in a conversation, by smiling and nodding, and widening my eyes at times that it seems called for, and I really do listen intently to what they are saying, but I have trouble finding the right time to put my two cents in. A conversation is like jumping rope to me. I have to find the other person's rhythm, the right time for me to step in and join, before I am comfortable saying anything. And this could take days, or it could take minutes, but it usually happens just at the point where I realize that if I don't start saying something now I am never going to be invited back because who wants a boring, unsociable person around? I spend so much time freaking out about what to say that I inevitably end up not saying much at all. I can only hope that my company recognizes a shy, but sweet girl is sitting in front of them. Give me the time and I open up completely. I just have to find your rhythm and meld it with mine, and it's all good.

Oddly enough, last night I decided to take a different approach and just put all of my idiosyncrasies out on the table, and it actually worked. By admitting to being a head case I actually started a whole new conversation in which I was able find my footing. Who knew?

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