Monday, July 16, 2007

Things I Learned in Marion, Virginia

1. Everyone in Virginia wears a bikini. I've never felt more confident that I was not the worst looking person on a beach.

2. Five grande Margaritas can mess you up, but a single tequila shot can knock you out.

3. Military fighter jets are very loud, very fast and a crude reminder of how lack of a television cuts you off from the rest of the world.

4. Virginian termite inspectors think it is acceptable to marry your twin brother.

5. Hiking to the top of a mountain is not my forte, but the view from the top makes it all worth it. However it is undetermined if I can do it sans panic attack and falling on my ass during the trip back down.

6. The night after hiking to the top of a mountain you will have vivid dreams of falling which jolt you awake every half hour.

7. Salsa combos and the phrase "You know how I know you're gay..." are very addictive.

8. You should be afraid of the deer because the deer are not afraid of you.

9. Always be on the lookout for fire ants, bears, and melted gum stuck to the seat of your paddle boat.

10. Uncle Charlie is a poker hustler. I must remember this before entering anymore tournaments.

11. I could definitely live in the mountains but for the creepy small-town people.

12. Some woman named Laura Lynn is the Bill Gates of grocery. Her name is on everything from grape soda to dry dog food.

13. Raccoons really do have table manners and eat their french fries one by one, thanking you with a wave when finished.

14. The movie theaters are cool enough to have Hayao Miyazaki characters painted on the front of the buildings, but the drive-in has an extremely crappy miniature golf course.

15. When Jon is contentedly quiet during dinner at a restaurant it is not only because he's shoving a quadruple layered sandwich into his mouth, but also because he is secretly soaking up every ounce of ESPN being televised behind your back.

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