2011 Self-review

You know what's really awesome about having so many years worth of recorded resolutions and self reviews? Having the opportunity to look back on them once a year and give yourself a pat on the back for a) writing them so well even you enjoy re-reading them, and b) having the guts to be so brutally honest. I always forget this about myself -- that I have no shame when beating myself over the head via blogging -- and damn, I can write like the best of 'em! It's just a matter of, you know, actually doing it.

2011 was one very challenging and exciting year. Jon accepted a promotion that moved our little family to Baltimore, Maryland -- 350 miles away from home -- but not before Owen and I got to endure 3 months of life without him. This year I learned to have the utmost respect for single mothers and I didn't even have to  do it on one income!

We finally met Jon in Baltimore in July and found that life here is somehow more calm and more exciting at the same time. I suppose this is what happens when you reunite with the missing 1/3 of your family and find yourself living in a city with all new places to entertain yourself and with simple day trips to Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, New York City, the east coast. I lived a rather sheltered life as a kid -- I knew our block like the back of my hand but very rarely even ventured to the neighboring city -- and having new adventures and the means to explore them with Owen feels so awesome. We truly are lucky.

Yesterday I admitted to a friend that moving away from so many great friends and all of our family was really hard, and I do get extremely homesick from time to time, but given the choice, I would definitely do it all over again. While we are very much still building our lives here, I do feel very confident when I say we are where we belong. Baltimore is slowly but surely becoming home.

Anyway, in true Deciphering Kate fashion, I am incapable of posting any new resolutions before reviewing how strong the previous year's held up. Let's give it go, shall we?

1. Be more positive. 
How can I even begin to compare my outlook on life last year to now? Someone turned on the lights? Pulled the scarf from my eyes? Cleared the clouds from head? Reached into the six foot grave I had buried myself in, grabbed my hand, and gently pulled me out while screaming "You don't have to live like this!"? I'm not sure any of those descriptions are really strong enough. I'm not sure how it even happened. All I know is that girl was in a very dark place and couldn't find a way out. But something or someone helped her out because she's not there anymore. She's actually quite happy.

2. Make time for myself.  
This one had to come in baby steps: self pedicures while catching up with the DVR, making a break for it on the occasional Thursday evening and exploring the city by myself (sometimes with GPS, sometimes without depending on how adventurous I was feeling), ignoring the stack of junk mail on the dining room table for a week. Then some time in the last few months I caught myself watching entire seasons of One Tree Hill on Netflix on-demand. I watched 6 seasons in just over a months span. Aw crap! Did I just admit that? Well, it shows that I've learned to make time for myself, right? Don't worry, Grey's Anatomy returns tonight so I'll be able to reinstate my taste in evening soap operas momentarily.

3. Continue to play and grow with Owen.
There was a time during that 3 month period of living apart from Jon when I would have scoffed at and thrown out this resolution had I remembered it. Owen and I did not get along. In fact, Owen did not like most anyone. Owen only wanted his daddy and it broke my heart that I didn't have an immediate fix for him. The funny thing is it didn't even fix itself after moving to Baltimore and living with Jon again. Owen was still convinced his daddy was going to leave and he'd be stuck with ME, the horrible, evil Mommy who isn't half as cool as Daddy. It took another 3 months for Owen to realize neither of us were going anywhere and when he finally had that realization, I was rewarded with the most amazing hugs and kisses! He smiles at me, he yells "MAMA!" like a big, Italian man who hasn't seen his mother in years even if it's only been a few hours, he takes my hand, says "Up!" and leads me to whatever he wants to show me, and he realized that it broke my heart a little when he stopped letting me rock him to sleep and he let me rock him again. Owen is the most absolutely amazing and curious creature I have ever laid eyes on. Every day I'm dazzled by the way his mind works and the joy he finds in such little things. Every night I fight the urge to wake him up so we can play and explore more. We may have had a rocky start, and I may have had my doubts along the way, but right now, at this moment, I can tell you without doubt that I have never known love like what I have for Owen and to have that love reciprocated is the best gift any woman can ever ask for.

4. Find a confidant.
Shortly after making this resolution I realized I have many confidants. For such a quiet and reserved person I seem to put a lot of my business out there, on this blog, on Facebook, in a text message, in person or over the phone. I actually have a very hard time keeping things in and often find myself sharing it with EVERYONE. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm not entirely sure what I was looking for from this resolution and I am actually quite happy with my current means of confiding.

5. Cover my family in bubble wrap and place them in a padded room.   
Seeing as my father died back in October this goes down as an EPIC FAIL but at the time of writing I could not have known I would be moving to another state therefore making it much harder to keep everyone safe. Bubble wrap and a padded room would not have helped my father anyway. For what it's worth, I always felt the new distance made my father and I closer somehow. We actually had to put serious effort into keeping in touch and he was so willing to put in the effort that it warmed my heart. I love you, Dad.

As always, this year's resolutions coming soon...hopefully before I break them all!

Owen Speak

It's true what they say, a toddler's language begins as a trickle and very quickly becomes a flood of new words. Here are some of Owen's favorites, and most recent:

Mama
Daddy
Jack
no
shoe
cheese
car
thank you
tree
bye
nana (works for both Grandma and banana)
juice
milk
more
book
nose
eye
waffle
oatmeal
ball

He may say little, but he understands SO much.

I recently discovered he's been talking to us in sign language, so much so that I had to borrow a book from the library to understand what he was saying. Turns out many rough nights could have been avoided if only I'd figured out sooner that he was telling me "more" and "sleep" with his hands. I guess this is what happens when your toddler becomes smarter than you. Believe it or not, I'm stilling trying to track down the source of the sign language.

He's also quite skilled at animal noises, most notably: monkey, dog, sheep, lion, and a very convincing "Naaaaaaaaayyyyyy" of a horse.

How I know I've reached hermit status

With 12 days left in my cell phone billing cycle:

Anytime minutes: 1 of 450 used

Night & weekend minutes: 17 of 5000 used

Rollover minutes: 0 of 740 used

Text messages: 75 of 1000 used


Days blogged in September: 10 of the last 17

10 Things I Love About Working From Home

1. Quality time with Owen every morning watching cartoons and eating buttermilk waffles.

2. Jack sleeping at my feet while I work and then crawling out from under the desk at 11:59 and stretching in preparation for the daily lunch time walk.

3. Dress code = sweat pants, t-shirt and messy ponytail.

4. Non-stop Pandora radio.

5. The fastest, most convenient food is located IN MY KITCHEN and not some questionable and equally addictive burger joint around the corner.

6. MY OWN BATHROOM . 'Nuff said.

7. Beverly Hills 90210 re-runs on my lunch hour.

8. One tank of gas lasts nearly 2 months.

9. Dinner is often ready before one hungry little monster and his big, hungry father arrive home. This convenience alone makes for some very peaceful evenings.

10. This office space! Working in a space that is created by and for yourself makes a world of difference.

Top 10 reasons extended weekends float my boat

1. Unlimited time with Owen and his toys and his laugh and his mad musical talents.

2. Sweatpants 'round the clock.

3.Morning nap.

4. Owen!

5. Law & Order marathons.

6. Sleeping in.

7. Blogging mid-day.

8. Owen!

9. Afternoon nap.

10. Owen!

The home stretch

The last 5 days with Owen have been so much fun but I think we're both ready for Jon to come home. I know I am because I miss my husband. I assume Owen is because it must get boring seeing the same face day in and day out.

Jon's absence has been kind of weird this year. The dogs are only just now starting to show signs that they've realized he's missing and Owen doesn't seem to have skipped a beat. In fact, I told Jon during our daily phone conversation (Yes, only one phone call per day with a 5 minute time limit. I'm a little salty about it if you can't tell) if the baby becomes cranky upon his return I will not hesitate to send him away again. I was only half kidding.

Anyway, things went off without a hitch here, which tells me I did a good job in preparing. Better than I had suspected even. I think it was a combination of Owen being a little more independent with age, me being a bit more productive/efficient in the things that need done because if I didn't do them, who would, and the fact that I finally took the time to sit back, relax, and just enjoy my son. It's never been more obvious how easily a baby can pick up on nerves and stress. I've been stress free and he's been an absolute doll. It can't all be coincidence.

My daily routine went a little like this:

Wake up at 5:45, shower, dress, eat breakfast, wake up Owen, feed Owen breakfast, pack up car, drop Owen off at sitter's, and head into work.
Work till 5, pick up Owen, come home, wash bottles, play with Owen and dogs, fix Owen's dinner, fix my dinner, eat dinner together at table.
Cuddle up in bed and watch approximately 15 minutes of Dora, have tickle fest, then it's bath time.
Give Owen bath, get him ready for bed, give him last bottle while rocking him to sleep.
Pack Owen's food for the next day, pack my lunch, poor a bowl of Reese's Puffs cereal, pull out the laptop and write a blog while eating.
Check Facebook.
Go to bed and watch Nick at Nite until I fall asleep.

Perfect? Definitely not, but I never once felt frantic or overwhelmed. I never once felt like I was shorting Owen of attention. I never once felt like I was losing my sense of self.

It may have been Jon who was out having fun, eating 60 inch pizza's somewhere in San Antonio with his buddies (jealous? me? no.....) but it really has felt like a retreat here, too. Even though it has been just as busy as ever, it felt a little less chaotic. I needed that in order to find my role as "mother" in this world of mine.

A Few Points to Note

1) No, the gingerbread cake that was supposed to send me into labor on Sunday night did not work, although I probably should have asked just how much I was supposed to eat for the best results. I stopped at 2 slices once I noticed it was 390 calories per serving, but perhaps I was supposed to go all gung-ho and eat the whole thing?

2) The 24 urine test is complete, and has been since Monday morning, but for some reason I still feel like I'm cheating when I actually pee into a toilet bowl! I was so determined to not have to take the stupid test again that my entire Valentine's Day was spent concentrating on the test and not spilling ANYTHING. Every drop was precious. I think it's safe to say I went a little overboard. On the bright side, my urine tested negative for protein and my blood pressure is back down to where it's supposed to be, meaning this particular preeclampsia scare is over!

3) Jon and I went on a tour of the maternity wing of the hospital last night. I thought it would put my mind a little more at ease to know exactly where to go, what type of room I'll be in during and after delivery, and meet a few members of the staff who would be taking care of us. I do think it was beneficial, although I didn't realize I was, oh, 6 months behind the curve and the only woman out of 5 going on the tour who was even remotely close to her due date...let alone a week away! I was the only one who waddled. I was the only one fighting through contractions, however small. I was the only who had to worry about her water breaking in the hallway. It was kind of amusing. As silly and slow as I felt, and even though Jon and I have made enough late night trips to the OB Triage that we already knew where to go, I'm still glad we took the tour. It gave me the opportunity to create a clear picture of what my birthing experience will be like and what mine and the baby's surroundings will be for the few days afterward.

4) My next appointment with the midwife is tomorrow afternoon at which time I'll be checked for further dilation and progress. I'm playing it safe this time and reminding myself that many, many women go a week or more overdue and I can't let myself get upset if I'm still sitting steady at 3 centimeters. It's hard to find a comfortable position nowadays. I'm barely sleeping. My everything hurts and I want nothing more than to see my baby and spend hours deciding who he looks more like, but what I need to remember is it will all happen when it's time to happen and our whole experience will be that much better if we calmly let nature take its course. I think I can do that, but I'm not making any guarantees.

Creative Women Have Cobwebs in Their Corners

The first day of December in the year two thousand and nine has found me...

Extremely large, extremely round, and extremely happy.

With a husband who seems genuinely pleased to go out of his way to make everything easier on me.

Madly in love with the tiny baby growing inside of me.

With two very excitable, lovable, and cancer-free dogs.

With my first day as an official, full-time employee since June 30, 2009.

With all of my Christmas gifts bought and wrapped.

With a nursery painted the sweetest of blue and ready for furniture.

Reading "Eat, Pray, Love" and thinking Elizabeth Gilbert and I couldn't be more different, yet so alike.

More content than I've been all year despite it being one of the most hectic months on the calendar.

Very poor financially, but somehow very rich in life.

Top 10 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Pregnancy

1. Morning sickness doesn't always include the relief of vomiting.
I was actually sitting in a booth at Applebee's, staring down a plate of french fries and a Fire Pit Bacon Burger with two bites taken out of it when I realized I needed to take a pregnancy test. The few weeks leading up to that moment were packed with tell-tale signs that my period was coming any day--irritability, extremely sore breasts, constant fatigue--but my barely touched plate of food made me realize there was one other symptom I hadn't acknowledged: I was becoming undeniably nauseous every time I ate. It didn't matter what I was eating or when I was eating it, it was making me sick, only I could never find reprieve from the nausea because I never had the overwhelming urge to vomit. I was just in a constant state of nausea for 13 weeks.

2. My dogs would know I was pregnant.
On the one hand it was very sweet to wake up in the middle of the night at 8 weeks pregnant and find Jack sleeping with his ear up against my belly as if he could hear the baby's heartbeat before any of us, or the way Macy always positions herself over my abdomen whenever there's too much rough housing going on between Jon and Jack or when there's a particularly loud argument brewing. On the other hand it's not so sweet having two dogs on a constant state of alert, watching my every move, and following my every foot step. It's almost as though they feel a sense of responsibility to make sure the baby and I are safe at all times. You're probably wondering what's so wrong with that? All I can say is it's kind of hard to concentrate when there are two dogs pacing, worrying, and sometimes even crying on the other side of the bathroom door because you might be in danger while you're "taking care of business" and they can't help you because you closed the stupid door. They also seem to find it very hard to sleep around me and I'm such a light sleeper that the slightest movement or click of nails on the hardwood will keep me awake for a very long time.

3. Not everyone acquires a glowing complexion.
I've been told countless times by friends, family members, and total strangers who like to chat it up with pregnant women in the grocery aisles that their hair, skin, and nails were never more luscious than when they were pregnant, and I have the hardest time not clawing their eyes out. My hair and nails are unbelievably shiny and strong and they grow like weeds, but my skin is a whole different story. My skin has reverted back to my teenage years. I have acne like you wouldn't believe. It runs all along my jaw line, down my neck, and across my chest with lone soldiers taking up sporadic residence on my nose, cheeks, and forehead. Prior to becoming pregnant, the last time I wore concealer was on my wedding day for extra coverage against the camera, but I wear it on an almost daily basis now or else I'd look like I let myself go in a really horrible way.

4. Psychotic tendencies a.k.a Niagara Falls times 300!
Of course I knew that pregnant women had a tendency to be irritable--who wouldn't when the size of your abdomen grows a little closer to that of a house every morning? What I didn't realize was it's not just irritability, there are some seriously strong emotions that run through me at every single moment. Some days I feel like a really big nerve ending that keeps getting poked at for the hell of it. I know no one is doing it on purpose. Hell, I even know it's all in my head usually, but that's never enough to make me stop crying. And some days, oh yeah, some days I don't even need a reason to sit on the couch and cry quietly. I'm overly emotional as it is but these hormones really take it to a whole other dimension.

5. Your taste buds experience an identity crisis.
My food goal during the first 13 weeks was to just find food that didn't make me feel terrible. I didn't worry about nutrition so much as fighting off the nausea, but I always figured I'd go back to my old, healthy eating habits once I got through the first trimester. It turns out I was wrong. It turns out that the last year I've spent developing healthy eating habits to lose weight and lead by example to my child can go away with the flip of a switch, or so it seems. Even though I don't get nauseous anymore, most of the foods I've been eating for the last year do not appeal to me in the slightest. I hate that I followed a much healthier diet before getting pregnant than I am now, even though it's so much more important now than it ever was. I'm finally getting to the point now that I'm able to force it again. I used to like carrots and broccoli. I eat them for the baby now, not because I actually want them, ever.

6. The thought: "Someone has to be the 1 in 250, so it's probably me!" never goes away.
I never realized how scary pregnancy was, how easy it was to convince myself that my life may end if my baby doesn't make it. It's amazing how quickly and completely you become attached to this little life inside you, and how paralyzing it can be when you realize how many things can go wrong. I've calmed down quite a bit especially now that I can feel the baby move, but those first few months were maddening. Not that I have to say anything about it in this blog because there are a dozen others in the last 4 months that are proof of how scared I was and sometimes still am. Like I said, I'm much calmer now that I can feel the baby move but the fears never really go away completely. I lay awake some nights thinking: what if I pushed myself too hard today? what if the cord is wrapped around his neck? what if he arrives premature? what if they missed something in the screening? what about SIDS? What I've come to realize is this is probably never going to go away. Even if, God willing, we make it through the delivery and infancy and toddler hood just fine, then I get to wonder about things like: what if he doesn't fit in? what if he loses control of the car? what if he never comes home? what if? what if? what if?

7. It's not just delivery that hurts.
This should probably be number one. This is the whole reason I started a list in the first place, but whatever. I've read/skimmed a dozen or so pregnancy books thus far and very, very few mention round ligament pains. My mother had 6 kids, my older sister had 4, and my younger sister has had 1, but not a single one of them mentioned round ligament pains. For those who have never been pregnant, round ligament pains are brief, sharp, stabbing pains, or a longer-lasting dull ache in your lower abdomen. It's caused by ligaments stretching to support your growing uterus. It makes absolute perfect sense once you've read into it, but believe me when I tell you that there is nothing scarier than simply turning over in bed too quickly and feeling like your abdomen has just been sliced open, even if it does only last for a few seconds. Or that time when I bent over to pick up a towel, stood up too fast, and fell right to my knees because it felt like my legs had just torn away from my body? How can something so painful and so scary not be printed in bold text in every single pregnancy book out there? I don't know, maybe I just have a severe case, but still. If you promise to tell me everything about pregnancy make sure you include the stuff that might make me think my baby has just died a horrific death but is really just typical growing pains. On the bright side, now I know why pregnant women move so slow; it's not because they're so much larger, but because it hurts too damn bad to go any faster.

8. You don't have to wait 9 months before the baby starts keeping you awake at night.
First and foremost I just want to say this is not at all a complaint. I wait for, enjoy, and relish in every single nudge, kick, or tiny little movement I get from my baby, but I never realized he would have a sleep and wake schedule before he was born and I especially never thought his schedule would begin and end at completely different times than mine. This baby wakes me up at 4:30 in the morning every morning. It's like clockwork. Even though I'm sound asleep, not moving, and even though it's pitch black inside and out, he begins kicking and stretching and my belly starts bumping my arms or Jack's head and it's...it's...well, it's hilarious! And who can sleep when something so miraculous and entertaining is taking place in your own body? Like I said, it's not a complaint, more like, why did I not know this?

9. Everyone has an opinion about your size.
In the span of a month I've been told everything from "You don't even look pregnant!" to "Are you sure there aren't twins in there?!" but the most common is just a simple "You're HUGE!" I let it upset me at first, but I very quickly learned that no one means any harm, they just aren't really thinking before they speak. I mean, c'mon, how many 26 week pregnant women who haven't seen their feet in what feels like forever are going to believe they don't look pregnant? My immediate thought was if I don't look pregnant then I must look a very strange sort of fat! And then the others who acted as though I was so massive the sheer force of my breath alone was enough to knock them over were really just making conversation, albeit in a very strange, borderline insulting way. I also noticed a trend pretty quickly: everyone who knew me before I lost 70 pounds thought I was running on the small side, and everyone who met me after the 70 pound loss thought I was gigantic. It makes sense when I look at it that way, but I don't know that it really gives people the excuse to talk to me/about me the way they do sometimes. No matter what, from this moment forward, I will always think twice before commenting on a pregnant woman's size. Wait. Scratch that. I will just never comment on a pregnant woman's size. I'm sticking with, "Wow. You look positively radiant."

10. Never ever ever use Google to self diagnose!
I never mentioned it here, but at my 20 week appointment our midwife discovered I have placenta previa which means I have a low lying placenta and it's covering my cervix. It's a condition that usually corrects itself by delivery, but in the rare case that it doesn't I will have no choice but to have a c-section. Attempting a vaginal birth with placenta previa risks birthing the placenta first which would cause massive amounts of blood loss and possibly death to both the baby and myself. Women with placenta previa are also more likely to experience hemorrhaging or to go into pre-term labor. It's obviously not a diagnosis to take lightly, but when I asked the midwife whether or not I should be worried she very specifically said, "Not yet. We'll do another ultrasound at 28 weeks and it should have corrected itself by then. If it hasn't, then we'll go from there, but we're not going to worry. Not yet." But did I listen to her? Of course not! The first thing I did after arriving home was Google "placenta previa" and read every single horror story about women hemorrhaging on their kitchen floors and giving birth to their baby at only 26 weeks. I read about so many women who went into pre-term labor and lost their babies that I had myself convinced the same thing would happen to me. Just when I'd finally reached a time in my pregnancy when I didn't feel fragile, when I was sure it was all going to work out for us, I was diagnosed with something that I was convinced was a death sentence for both me and the baby. I cried for a week. Jon banned me from searching anything pregnancy related on the internet and immediately advises me to call the midwives 24-hour help line whenever I have the urge to Google a strange symptom. The internet is a fabulous, helpful thing but I've learned that it's mostly women with the saddest, most heart-wrenching stories who post on pregnancy boards and I had to learn that the hard way, unfortunately.

Things I Learned in Las Vegas

1. This city doesn't need slot machines or Black Jack tables to sucker you out of your last dime. Two words: "complimentary" and "gratuity" will drive you to the poor house in no time.

2. If you are of the female persuasion and you find yourself in the unfortunate position of being in Planet Hollywood late on a Friday night and can't figure out why you're so uncomfortable, here's a hint: You Have Too Many Clothes On! Head back to your hotel, change into the skimpiest, most revealing boob shirt you brought with you, and you'll fit right in. Trust me.

3. The Hoover Dam has the perfect place to hide that dead body...

4. Katie + first ever flight take off = total meltdown.

5. All those people who say, "Don't worry, Las Vegas is a dry heat! It will be a lot more comfortable than the humidity in Ohio!" need to be slapped. HARD. Dry or not, 109 degrees is fucking HOT and extremely uncomfortable.

6. This city was made for me--about 5 months ago--when I could drink, smoke, not worry about how I'll pay for future child care, and could stand in the sun for longer than 2 seconds before acquiring a 3rd degree burn.

7. Bus doing 50 mph on the open desert road + flock of dumb birds = :( on windshield.

8. If you think New York City is a melting pot, you haven't seen anything until you visit the Grand Canyon. My favorite was a pretty girl with a New Zealand accent who stood at the edge, calling out the name of each pose before her boyfriend snapped a photo..."Zoolanda!", "Uh Oh!", "Madonna!"

9. Cheesy photo ops are just around every corner. Like this one about Loose sluts..I mean slots!

10. You CAN listen to the same song over and over for 2.5 hours while driving through the dark desert, especially when that song is "Record Year for Rainfall" by The Decemberists.

11. I'm cheap. I gambled 10 dollars. I lost 10 dollars and gave up.

12. It takes 4.5 hours to drive to the Grand Canyon and all of 20 minutes to fly over it from McCarran International Airport.

13. You can be quiet and polite, or you can be loud and profane, either way, that shuttle driver isn't giving in until the overheated pregnant lady starts shouting fightin' words.

14. I finally understand why Westerners say Ohio is so Green. Dear Westerners, I'm so sorry for looking at you like you've lost your marbles. I get it now!

15. Jon + camera + Las Vegas = blurry photos every time.

16. Don't believe everything you see on CSI.

17. Did you get on the bus on a Friday night? Don't worry, you'll reach your hotel--it may be next week, or maybe even next year--but you will get there eventually...

18. Never underestimate the Hispanic men handing out hooker cards. They WILL reach across your pregnant wife to try and entice you with the photo card of a naked prostitute.

Our New Roommate

Jon's cousin, Clare, came over for dinner last Thursday so we could discuss the possibility of letting her rent our spare bedroom for two months before her anticipated relocation to Washington, D.C.

Clare is a 23-year-old office manager who is currently exploring her independence with eyes set on something much larger and more exciting than anything Akron, Ohio can offer. I admire that. She's also lived in Argentina, speaks fluent Spanish (so fluent sometimes she doesn't realize she's speaking Spanish to us humble, single language folk) and hopes to land a career in foreign relations. She's so incredibly bright, resourceful, and determined that I have no doubt she will go anywhere and do anything she puts her mind to.

With a background like that there really wasn't much question as to whether or not Jon and I would agree to rent a room to her. It mostly revolved around deciding if we could be accommodating enough that anyone would want to live with us for any amount of time. So, we decided to make a list of Pros and Cons:

Pros:

1. The extra money couldn't hurt (for those two months especially).
2. She could tell us what the actors on the Spanish channel are really saying.
3. We won't require my little sister's house-sitting services (read: HOUSE PARTY) during our trip to Vegas in August.
4. Jon and I will be less likely to kill each other over this whole unemployment thing. (Witnesses have that effect.)
5. Maybe she'll hook me up with her job if she heads to D.C. in August.
6. A constant excuse for weekend bonfires.

Cons:

1. Must close bathroom door.
2. I have to wear more than my underwear to grab those jeans from the dryer downstairs.
3. Overcoming my fear of awkward small talk.
4. She's going to know just how bad my housekeeping skills are.
5. Shower arrangements.
6. It could be extremely embarrassing if she ever catches me working out.

The conversation during Thursday's dinner involved very little talk of her moving in and more about what we've all be up to in the last few months. The little talk that did revolve around living arrangements went a bit like this:

Jon: "We have two rules in this house: 1) You can't say the word WALK. You can't even spell it or the dogs will go bonkers. No, I don't know how they learned to spell it. 2) The big TV is the only one I can play video games on, so if I've had a particularly stressful day at work and I want to relax while playing a game, I might have to kick you off if you're watching something. So, do you want to move in?"

Clare: "Yeah. Is Saturday too soon?"

Clare moved in on Saturday. Jon and I are officially living with someone other than each other for the first time in 8 years, and other than feeling extra tired today from having to get up earlier to make shower time, it hasn't been too strange. Okay, strange? Yes. Uncomfortable? Only slightly. Maddening? Absolutely not.

Current Forms of Entertainment/Mind Numbing

In the last 3 weeks I’ve…

Attended 3 graduation parties.
I'm now broke.

Taken a trip to Columbus to see The Decemberists.
They were amazing.

Purchased a Blackberry (for me) and an iPhone (for Jon).
I'm now broker than broke.

Labeled over 100 boxes for storage at work.
It beat sitting at my desk doing nothing.

Submitted countless resumes.
Still crossing my fingers for call backs.

Watched 3 seasons of Weeds on DVD.
Drugs, sex, and suburbia. How did I not know about this before now?

Become addicted to Farm Town on Facebook.
WTF? Yeah, I'm wondering the same thing.

Lost 3 pounds.
Shedding weight from a smaller frame has turned out to be a whole new ball game.

Listened to 1300 songs according to the play list on my iPod.
I still heart music.

There have been times when I thought I might be going mad, and there have been times when I thought I was exactly where I’m supposed to be. I’m somewhere in the middle right now, sitting comfortably numb.

My Reaction to the Swine Flu

Cringing and taking cover every time the temp sounds like she's about to hack up a lung.

Singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat when I wash my hands and snickering at the Life Is But a Dream part.

Ignoring the constant queasy feeling in my stomach.

Fighting the urge to bitch slap the co-worker who uses a paper towel to open the restroom door and then uses the same paper towel to open every other door on the way back to her desk.

Do not touch face.

Still ignoring that queasy feeling in my stomach.

Wondering how they can claim an epidemic is declining and admit there are new cases popping up all in one sentence.

Disinfectant everywhere.

Top 10 reasons I'm impatiently waiting for Spring

1. I can walk the dogs again.

2. I can justify washing the dingy salt off my car.

3. There are more opportunities to take down the Christmas lights.

4. My fingers and toes might actually defrost.

5. Flip flops!

6. It's not dark before 5:30 in the evening.

7. I won't have to fear for my life while driving to and from work.

8. The scent of flowers.

9. Shopping for a new Spring jacket.

10. Macy needs a hair cut. Bad.

7 Ways I Reclaimed My Sanity During My Mental Health Days, Maybe

1. Slept until noon every day. I never let myself sleep in late on the weekends because my mind is always bombarded with things I have to get done. I said to hell with it this time though, and stayed in bed for 3 extra wonderful hours each day.

2. Took the guest bedroom from one extreme to another. As if being a 26-year-old adult with clothes covering every inch of my bedroom floor, even though I leave a laundry basket in the corner at all times wasn't embarrassing enough, I'm also a very lazy adult who, instead of putting things back where they belong, I stash it all in the unused guest bedroom until the guest bedroom is rendered useless. In my defense, most of our storage space had been taken over by my parents and I was out of ideas of where to store all of our Rubbermaid tubs, Christmas decorations, old furniture, and miscellaneous boxes, but Jon and I finally took a truck load of stuff back to them, reclaiming our domain, and clearing out most of the guest bedroom in the process. That's not to say that I was completely innocent though, because I still relieved the room of 3 bags of old junk/trash and all kinds of crap that already owned a designated spot somewhere else in the house. I began with a room that had approximately 4 square feet of standing/walking space and ended with a guest bedroom with only a dresser and a twin size captain's bed. It took a total of 4 hours not counting the time to transport my parents belongings.

3. Watched Heroes, and a lot of it. Even though Jon refuses to admit he's been trying to get me to share his Heroes enthusiasm ever since he borrowed Seasons One and Two from a friend, and even though he refused to claim victory when the show finally caught my attention while I was folding laundry on Saturday night, I don't believe him. It most certainly was his plan all along to get me helplessly addicted to yet another television series. I was caught hook, line, and sinker dead smack in the middle of Season Two. We were up until at least 2am on Saturday and Sunday finishing the borrowed disks and catching up on Season Three through Instant Netflix so we could be all set for the new episode on Monday night. Oh yeah, he won't admit it, but he is totally soaking this up.

4. Washed, dried, folded, and put away ALL of our laundry. See numbers 2 and 3. It took 2 days. Enough said.

5. Chopped firewood. Actually, I watched and cringed while my pale and delicate gamer handled a wood splitter for the first time. I kept thinking of how lumberjacks were supposed to be a turn-on like the way women swoon over the Brawny Guy in all his plaid glory. I kept thinking of how I was supposed to be thinking, yep, that's my manly man, handling an ax like he was born just for doing this, but all I could really do was watch Jon in all his Rock Band t-shirt glory as he nervously swung the ax and struggled to do more than chip off a small splinter of wood. I had visions of him missing completely and swinging the ax right into his shins, or of the ax bouncing back from the log and hitting him square in the forehead. I was convinced we would make a trip to the emergency room before it was all over. But to my surprise I was completely wrong. Jon struggled with the first few logs, but he perfected his swing and quickly found a rhythm, and before I knew it we had an entire winters worth of wood piled in the garage. My pale and delicate gamer had done me proud.

6. Went hiking. We're participating in the Metro Park Fall Hiking Spree this year. The only thing we have to do to participate is hike 8 of the 15 preselected trails between September 1 and November 30. Not only is hiking a good way to keep us moving but it's also free entertainment, and in this economy, who doesn't want free entertainment? We knocked out quite a few trails on our time off, including Furnace Run in Richfield which was absolutely beautiful doused in all the fall colors.

7. Acquired a new pet. I hate spiders with a passion, but I have a certain moral code to follow when it comes to killing them. Basically, if the spider is outside, not bothering me, I'm not allowed to touch it, but any spider (or bug for that matter) that is within the walls of my home is fair game. So when I spotted the small spider in our bedroom I was ready and willing to kill it, but this sucker was smart and kept to the ceiling where I couldn't reach it. I saw it every day for about a week, and every day it was well outside of my fatal reach. Then it caught my eye one morning while Jon and I were laying around in bed for one of the 3 extra wonderful hours and I pointed it out to him in the hopes he would do my dirty work for me, but in true Jon fashion he opted not to kill it, but to name it instead. He named it Jesus using the Spanish pronunciation of Hay-soos. I didn't see anything wrong with this at first until one night when I noticed Hay-soos had moved from his usual perch over the bookshelves and had positioned himself directly above my head. Jon followed my gaze to the ceiling and finally agreed to kill him, but then we ran into a problem, because how can you kill anything named Jesus? Hay-soos is alive and doing well.

Revising a What If

Jon and I went camping with a few friends last May over Memorial Day weekend, and aside from the teeth-chattering temperatures and blood sucking mosquitoes that lurked in the night air, we had a really good time. We'd brought enough alcohol and s'more makings to last a month and we didn't dare let any of it go to waste.

I'm bringing this up now, 4 months later, because on our last night there, while huddled around the campfire, I was asked a question I haven't been able to get out of my head since:

If you were stranded on a deserted island with only a CD player and 5 albums, what albums would you want to have with you?

It seems like a simple enough question, but music is extremely important to me. I've even been known to be so dramatic as to say it's the reason I breathe, it's what pumps the blood through my veins. My mood, whatever it may be at a certain time, determines the music I have to have with me at that time, just as the music I'm listening to determines the mood I'm in. I mean, I named my freaking iPod for crying out loud! I live it and I love it and I have been banging my head against the walls since Memorial Day, trying to pick just 5 albums that could satisfy me for a lifetime.

My original answer went a little something like this:

1. Tori Amos, Little Earthquakes
2. Ani Difranco, To The Teeth
3. The Decemberists, Picaresque
4. The Decemberists, The Crane Wife
5. Death Cab for Cutie, Plans

I knew it was wrong a mere 2 minutes after the list left my mouth. Could I really stomach another 10 years of Little Earthquakes after it was the sound track of my teens? It's a great album, I still think Tori Amos is amazing, but I overplayed her big time, and she may bring back too many lonely memories to bare while stranded on a deserted island, alone. And not 1 but 2 Decemberists albums? Really? Do I not need more selection than that when I've only got 5 choices to begin with? And Death Cab for Cutie is great--a little more mainstream than I would prefer--but I don't think it's so much Death Cab as it is Ben Gibbard why this album is on here. Truth be told, if I wasn't married, I'd be all over Ben Gibbard like Mary is all over Michael Phelps in that AT&T commercial. Oh right, I'm already like that, but whatever. The point is I'm not so sure Death Cab is the direction I should have taken with that last pick.

So, I've had 4 months to think about this and I've come to the conclusion that this just isn't possible. I need the musical equivalent of Netflix on my deserted island so I can switch out my albums every couple of weeks.

It is possible, however, to pick 5 albums I would take with me if I were leaving on a cruise tomorrow. We can just pretend that my ship sank but I awoke to find myself washed up on the shore, and 20 yards away was a waterproof bag containing a CD player, an endless supply of batteries, and my 5 albums:

1. Modest Mouse, Good News For People Who Love Bad News
2. The Postal Service, Give Up
3. Kate Nash, Made of Bricks
4. The Decemberists, The Crane Wife
5. Ani Difranco, Revelling

There, and I even still have me some blissfully poetic Ben Gibbard, just in his mailman persona. Now, to make the list absolutely perfect, I really do need one of the other cruise passengers, God rest their soul, to have stuffed The Decemberists Picaresque into a little zip lock baggie and send it floating on over my way. I don't know how I'll ever make it forever without hearing The Engine Driver again.

Nothing About Us Is Uniform

Purchases we made yesterday:

1 Wii Fit - Is it sad that I'm sore? My trainer was relentless...and a little bitchy.

1 Toilet Seat - Hopefully Wii Fit (and buying a more expensive seat) will help us to not break them so often! Now that is sad.

2 Deluxe Camping Chairs - When we asked if we could sit in one to see how comfortable it was the store associate who helped us waited until my butt was only inches from the seat to say, in a very serious tone, "I think they say it can hold up to 100 pounds..." My butt remained suspended in the air until the guy started laughing and said he was just messing with me. Didn't anyone teach him it can be deadly to joke about a woman's weight?

1 Cooler - It shouldn't have taken 30 minutes to pick out the very basic model we ended up leaving with, but Jon had to test-push each one half way around the store before deciding that the smaller cooler, the one that wasn't on sale, had nicer wheels and an all around better feel.

2 Car Airfresheners - Cucumber melon was the least offensive scent and it fit perfectly snug in the backseat cup holder in my car. Jon spent a couple of hours detailing my car last night and with the addition of the airfreshener I am hereby banned from smoking in it again. I think I can live with that.

This Week Jon and I:

1. Finished the desk! Maybe someday when I'm not so tired (it's 2:30 in the morning and I can't sleep) I'll post a photo of the piece of furniture we slaved over for 6 months. Okay, maybe we didn't work tirelessly the whole 6 months, but it was hanging over our heads like an anvil the entire time.

2. Bought a new desktop computer despite my desire to disappoint President Bush by using my stimulus check for something other than frivolous spending. It's nothing extravagent, but it doesn't take iTunes 2 months to load, so we're extremely satisfied with our frivolous purchase.

3. Spent an entire day grooming the front yard. This is a great thing, because I was really starting to feel like the trashy house on the block. We may not have a lot of grass to mow, but ivy and rose bushes can be wicked and unforgiving. I've got the scars to prove it.

4. Went to see Iron Man. It was a pretty good movie, but I almost passed out when the guy told us it would be $18 for 2 tickets. That's double the price of our monthly Netflix fee in which we can watch unlimited movies! I say screw the whole Theatrical Experience, next time I wait until it's out on DVD.

5. Attended a party where I learned that tequila is actually a very good friend of mine and I don't remember much after that.

Random Thoughts Vol. 1

I haven't written anything, anywhere, in any form in over 2 weeks. I guess that's another New Year's Resolution that was put on hold for a while.

The problem is sometimes I feel like writing and sometimes I just want to spout off these completely random thoughts that come to me.

For example:

1. I'm told the best road bitch is a yellow sports car.

2. My husband wants to be the Jared of Wii Fit.

3. My car is in the shop right now and I'm afraid of how much the repairs will cost.

4. We painted the bedroom green last spring, but now I want it to be blue.

5. I joined Becomeanex.org and I've tracked every cigarette I've had in the last three days. Talk about sickening...

6. Sometimes Macy will purposely scratch me because I won't let her lick my toes.

7. Dry skin + wood panelling = skinless knuckle.

8. I freaked out 2 weeks after getting a haircut because I was afraid of dying and being remembered with short hair.

9. As an admitted Grammar Freak, it really bothers me that my MySpace says "Favorties". Has anyone else noticed?

10. The Postal Service's Nothing Better makes me giddy.

11. Every day I come home with a new approach to convince my husband that we should move out of Ohio, and every night I go to bed making up new reasons for why we can't.

And that's just to name a few... but I don't mention these things because I'm afraid you'll think I'm crazy. I know I do.

A Year of Reform

It takes a rare talent to break all of your New Year's Resolutions in the first week of the year. I blame my tendency to be overly ambitious. You see, I began compiling a mental list over a month ago, and as the days went on the list grew longer and longer until the goals seemed unobtainable and the idea of writing them down was tedious. It wasn't until the new year began that I finally gave myself a deadline. I decided my goals had to be selected and written down by the same day that I declared them last year and put into action the following day. I just checked and discovered that today is it, so here goes nothing.

1. Dedicate 30 minutes to my appearance each morning.
Currently my jeans are too baggy, my corded sweater is faded, my hair is too fluffy, and I have absolutely no makeup on. I shouldn't be permitted to go out in public like this yet I do every day and to work no less. A lack of beauty skills, determination, and time in the morning is to blame. At some point last year, after too many late nights and too many early mornings I stopped caring and it shows. Fortunately my little sister bought me the queen of all hair straighteners for Christmas and I used gift cards to buy all new cosmetics. After one date with that hair iron, my makeup bag, and a trip to the salon for an eyebrow waxing I was reminded that I really do clean up well. It's time I matched that face with stylish clothes and presented my company with the non-frumpy version of Katie. This means I have to wake up at 6:00 in the morning.

2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every weeknight.
I can't get by on the 4 or 5 hours I've been giving myself for the last 6 months. My new bed time is 11:00.

3. Write on a semi-regular basis.
I went from writing every day back in 2000 to writing absolutely nothing for 6 years. Something finally broke me in June of 2006 and I returned, but not even on a remotely regular basis. And I regret those 6 years of silence more than ever now because I'm finally realizing that my memory isn't good enough to keep all of life's little moments in my subconscious record books. I don't have my wedding or honeymoon on record, and by golly, I don't want to miss anything else.

4. Walk the dogs every day (weather permitting).
When it was just Jack we did walk every day. He and I even visited most of the dog friendly Metro Parks in our area, but then we adopted Macy last February and I experienced one too many nightmarish walks consisting of tangled leashes, tripping, and all around madness. I've decided it's time to purchase a coupling harness and teach my dogs the proper way to walk, or at least teach them not to walk me.

5. Read 40 books by December 31, 2008.
I was probably somewhere in the ballpark of 20 books read in 2007 and it didn't feel like nearly enough, so I'm doubling it.

6. Perfect the art of time management.
I'll be spending more time sleeping, reading, walking, writing, and primping. Somehow I'm also supposed to do all of the bill-paying, laundry, cleaning, and cooking, and remain sane. I truly believe that where there's a will there's a way and I think it begins with not writing to-do lists only to procrastinate longer.

7. Finish the Damn Desk already!
A block of solid oak measuring in at 5 feet wide by 3 feet deep by 3 feet tall has gotten the best of me for three months already. The old oak desk that I pillaged from my parent's house has turned its temporary placement in my enclosed but unheated back porch into a permanent home and I won't stand for it any longer. The old finish has been removed and the desk has been cleaned entirely. Now all I have to do is sand, stain, and polyurethane, but I've been saying that for a month. I'm giving myself until March 15th to have the desk finished and transported to its real permanent home in the office.