The Good News: After a short meeting with my Dad I am back on the internet! Apparently I unplugged and re-plugged everything but the power to the modem. Duh.
The Bad News: It was at the expense of a burnt-out headlight on the car, seeing as I had to touch/drive it to my parent's house for the meeting with my Dad.
Is there such a thing as the Un-Midas touch? Because I think I'm infected.