Potty Humor

In all of the holiday madness I forgot to mention that the huge Christmas Eve family gathering at our house went just dandy. I had done so much planning and delegating in that final stretch that I was able to spend most of the day watching Christmas specials in my pajamas. Everything went pretty much as planned except for about half way through the evening when nearly every thing plumbing-related in the house decided to stop working properly. We had to put a Do Not Use sign on the toilet in one bathroom and on the sink in another, and in order to keep the kitchen sink draining, the garbage disposal had to be run constantly. It took all of five seconds to realize something had gone wrong with the main drain.

We were hardly home on Christmas Day so a plumber wasn't called until the day after. He arrived with a snake the size of a snow-blower and made black smudges around the corners of my walls and down into the basement. When I told him about our phantom plumbing problem he laughed at the oddness of it all. Three hours and one hundred thirty-nine dollars later, he presented me with a tree root the size of my dog and the tampons that were caught on said tree root to clog the large drain.

Normally I would have been embarrassed but seeing as I haven't had to use a tampon in quite some time thanks to PCOS, I just shook my head, smiled, and told him I'd have to do something about that.

Five days later we had our annual New Years Eve party and this sign was hung above each toilet:

PLEASE DO NOT FLUSH FEMININE PRODUCTS

Violators are subject to a fine in the amount of $139.00