We were hardly home on Christmas Day so a plumber wasn't called until the day after. He arrived with a snake the size of a snow-blower and made black smudges around the corners of my walls and down into the basement. When I told him about our phantom plumbing problem he laughed at the oddness of it all. Three hours and one hundred thirty-nine dollars later, he presented me with a tree root the size of my dog and the tampons that were caught on said tree root to clog the large drain.
Normally I would have been embarrassed but seeing as I haven't had to use a tampon in quite some time thanks to PCOS, I just shook my head, smiled, and told him I'd have to do something about that.
Five days later we had our annual New Years Eve party and this sign was hung above each toilet:
PLEASE DO NOT FLUSH FEMININE PRODUCTS
Violators are subject to a fine in the amount of $139.00