It's like "Choose your own adventure" only I chose it for you...

You're waiting in the drive-thru at the bank when a blue minivan suddenly whips into the parking lot next door and parks behind the building advertising batteries. A soccer mom in her late thirties jumps out of the driver's seat and runs around to the back of the van where she is entirely hidden from street view.

She doesn't realize she's actually standing right in front of you when she quickly pulls down her shorts revealing a big, cellulite covered butt. And before you can even think WTF! she squats and unleashes enough urine to drown a large army of ants.

You're shocked by what's happening less than 100 feet away so you look around to see if anyone else has noticed. You spot the little old woman in a powder blue Cadillac in the next lane over. She's having trouble fishing her jaw out of her lap while keeping an eye on the other woman. Nope, you're not the only witness to this craziness.

After taking care of business, the woman replaces first her animal print thong, then black pleated shorts remarkably fast and climbs back into the van. You take a second to wonder if she's ever considered keeping a roll of toilet paper in the glove compartment.

She starts the engine and realizes she will have to turn the van around completely in order to get out from behind the building, and in her hurry to relieve herself, she didn't leave herself a lot of room to maneuver. This results in much rocking back and forth between drive and reverse. Just when she's almost gained enough room to leave, she looks over at the bank and notices the little old lady in the blue Caddie all wide-eyed and open-mouthed, and you, with a massive grin, obviously having a hard time holding your shit together.

She suddenly realizes she had an audience all along and whips out from behind the building almost as fast as she pulled in.

I only waited 2.5 months for this

Last night marked my 11th consecutive night of uninterrupted sleep. I've been hesitant to post anything about it -- and I'm still a little afraid to be typing this now -- because I don't want to jinx it. I feel like Owen is 4 weeks old again and I'm praising God on Facebook because he let us sleep through the night, only this time it isn't Owen, it's a fully grown man with insanely heavy feet and what seemed to be a terrible case of insomnia.

I know I started off saying the Elephant Man wasn't so bad considering, but at some point shortly after my original post he began to get progressively worse each night. What was he doing? Oh, you know, running laps that started just above our heads in the bedroom, progressed down the hall, through the dining room, around the living room, through the kitchen, back up the hall and then around the bedroom about 40 times. This went on ALL NIGHT LONG from 11 PM to 6:30 AM when the dude finally left for what must be a 5 hour stint at work because he'd come home at noon each day and start all over again. There were days when my computer monitor shook from the ruckus going on upstairs.

We were visiting the leasing office an average of once a week to beg for help. They weren't helping. In fact, it seemed to be making matters even worse. We were starting to break, our fuses had run out, and just when we thought it couldn't get any worse, the constant noises started waking Owen in the middle of the night too. What's worse than two grown adults not getting enough sleep? A toddler not getting enough sleep. Twelve days ago, I was pretty sure we would all kill each other.

Then it stopped. Suddenly it sounded like a herd of elephants had moved out and a perfectly normal, perhaps even respectful family moved in, complete with the little pitter patter of toddler feet. No one moved in or out of the building as far as I know, but I'll be damned if all I hear is the occasional creaking of floor boards and not a single heel falling heavily above my head. All of the crashing and door slamming has stopped during the day as well.

I've got my fingers crossed and hopes held high for this to be a permanent change. I worry the Elephant Man has only gone on vacation and could return at any moment. For mine and my family's sake, I really hope that isn't the case. It would be really super awesome to never use the Elephant Man label on another blog post for the rest of my life.

I walked down to the leasing office this afternoon and for the first time in a long time it wasn't to file a complaint. I thanked them instead for finally helping me get a full night's sleep.

His father's son

I know all of the parenting gurus and "mommies who know best" say you shouldn't let a child under the age of 2 watch any television, but this is one rule we break that I have absolutely no guilt for breaking. Our television is by no means a babysitter. We still do plenty of indoor and outdoor activities together. We just also enjoy watching morning cartoons with our waffles and the occasional Saturday afternoon movie. And even though I was never a huge fan of Star Wars growing up, I'm strangely tickled pink that Owen shares a curious interest in one of his daddy's favorite past times.

How I know I've reached hermit status

With 12 days left in my cell phone billing cycle:

Anytime minutes: 1 of 450 used

Night & weekend minutes: 17 of 5000 used

Rollover minutes: 0 of 740 used

Text messages: 75 of 1000 used


Days blogged in September: 10 of the last 17

Thirty six

Today would have been Rick's 36th birthday and all I can think is how in just a few short years us younger siblings will begin to surpass him in age. That's just not how it's supposed to be. Women aren't supposed to be widowed in their early 30s. 13-year-old girls aren't supposed to cry themselves to sleep because they miss their father. 5-year-old boys aren't supposed to look at the sky when they talk to their Daddy. Fathers aren't supposed to feel guilty for surviving 3 heart attacks. Mothers aren't supposed to look back on a miraculous birth and feel so much pain in their heart because the life they brought in to this world was taken away unexpectedly.

It's been over a year and I still cry often, usually close to important days, but it's not usually for my loss. It's for them. As a sister I miss my brother, but as a wife, a child, and a parent, my heart is broken for everyone whose lives were effected on a whole different level from mine. My loss can never compare to what they must experience on birthdays, anniversaries, or even the first day of school.

They say time heals all wounds but losing a loved one at 34 surely leaves a few big, gaping scars.

Traveling Baltimore, Part 2: Inner Harbor & Hampden

Where were we? Oh, yes! Baltimore's Inner Harbor actually took me by surprise. I guess I was expecting something similar to Downtown Cleveland -- tall buildings, lots of water, and an empty pier or two -- but I got so much more from Baltimore. The harbor is not only beautiful, but it's also very functional. They have shopping malls, restaurants, museums, fountains, Camden Yards Stadium, water taxis, paddle boats and an abundance of free attractions and street artists to gawk at. Perhaps the most memorable moment of our trip was when I started whining about my camera malfunctioning and Jon assuring me it was no big deal, we could just take pictures another time, and just when I was about to mouth off by asking how that was possible I remembered, dude, we live here and I can come down here whenever I want! That realization almost took my breath away. This is our home. Owen will grow up surrounded by this place. I kinda like that idea.

Right next door to the National Aquarium is this really cool building built as a power plant in 1900 and renovated in 2000. It now houses the awesome combination of a Barnes and Noble and a Hard Rock Cafe as well dozens of other small shops and restaurants:

Here is a view of the aquarium from across the harbor.

A view of Federal Hill and the boats docked in front. I didn't notice them at the time, but somehow I caught what appears to be a very sweet moment between two people under the light post.

Standing on the Inner Harbor looking back at Downtown Baltimore. Check out all of the people -- there is so much life here.

This is only one of the many ships and submarines permanently docked in the harbor. Some of them have even been turned into museums.

A fountain!! I've only seen these things in movies...

You know I immediately ripped off his shoes and stuck him in the water.

He wasn't sure what to make of it at first, but just after I snapped this photo a huge smile spread across his face.

Then he ran off and I couldn't ignore the adorable foot prints her left behind.

We stopped by a frozen custard stand and got ourselves some refreshments before leaving for the day.

The original plan was to head home then as it was nearly 5:00 and the closest thing Owen had to a nap was the car ride between Bob Evans and Charm City Cakes, but then I had the most wonderful idea: Hampdenfest!! Hampden is this really awesome, eclectic neighborhood not far from downtown. If you're relatively familiar with the Cleveland area think Coventry Road but spanning many blocks in each direction, without the commercial establishments of BD's Mongolian Barbecue and Chipotle, and instead of cramped apartment buildings it is street after street of attractive row houses. Basically, it's lots of cool, locally owned store fronts selling everything from soaps to pink feather boas to sports memorabilia to coffee scones and Hampdenfest is just a fun way for all of the vendors to get together and setup a sidewalk sale of sorts but with live music, hula hoops, skate board ramps, and a toilet bowl race. I also took this opportunity to have my very first crab soft pretzel. Yep, sounds questionable, but it was quite delicious.

Entering Hampdenfest:

Just in case you managed to miss the men in capes and strange hats racing down hill on toilets with wheels, the race is this way:

What was that I said in my earlier post? Oh, that's right! It isn't Baltimore without a little crab, and it's even better when mixed with football:

This photo of Cafe Hon captures two things very Baltimore: the pink flamingo and the expression "Hon". Hampden is sometimes referred to as Hontown as this term of endearment is used by everyone.

Let it be known that I hate SpongeBob and refuse to let Owen watch the show but there's something about the annoying character that attracts Owen and I couldn't refuse letting him have a balloon. Besides, the balloon bought us enough time to have another beer and catch another song or two despite the little one's lack of a nap. It's been over a week and I still can't get over how well behaved he was that whole day!

And that's it for this trip, folks! We have high expectations for this fall as we still hope to visit Washington, Philadelphia, and NYC although I'm thinking a trip to New York might be more exciting during the holidays, but we'll see. It makes me smile to remember I was 11 years old before leaving Ohio for the first time and Owen's got me beat by almost as many years.

Retail Therapy

This evening I...

picked up Owen from day care...

came home and fed everyone dinner...

loaded the dish washer...

put on mascara and my coat and told Jon I was leaving...

I was going to blow. I could feel it, but I couldn't explain it. Everything Jon was doing was annoying me, and everything Owen was doing was even worse.  I haven't been sleeping well and Jon has been working late every evening and Owen, well, he's doing some SERIOUS teething and boundary testing and I can't keep him happy for nothing. Add to that the fact that I rarely get out of the house for more than picking up Owen, walking the dog, or a little grocery shopping and I was feeling cornered into a never-ending bad situation. See what I mean? BAD MOOD.

So I went exploring again only this time I dared myself not to turn on the GPS...

and I found my way to Timonium...

and I found an Old Navy...

and I found a plaid pea coat in the exact fit and color I've been wanting for a very long time...

and now I have a little chunk of plaid and wool happiness.