I lost count of how many nieces and nephews I have somewhere around the number 16. I'm sure I could figure it out with a little time and a calculator but then I'd have to wonder if I should include great nieces and nephews as well and this already has me going off subject!
Anyway, my siblings have a lot of kids. I grew up with most of them but I never bothered to pay much attention to what was required to raise them. I didn't learn how often to feed and burp them, how to teach them to count, or how to actually get them to fall asleep for any stretch of time. And now that we moved so far away from my family and the ever growing population of babies it seems to create, I'm kind of on my own to figure it out. I've been known to read a few books, to consult Dr. Google from time to time, but mostly I have to rely on ques from Owen to determine when he's ready for something. It's worked pretty well so far, but I think this little thing called potty training has us both stumped.
He's only 2 and a half and diapers are still very convenient for both of us so I'm not interested in rushing anything, but I also don't want to be that mom who sends her son to college in diapers! I don't know when to start pushing it or even how to approach it and while Owen shows occasional interest in the Fisher Price potty we set out for him a while ago, he doesn't seem all that ready to get down to potty business either.
He showed plenty of sudden interest yesterday afternoon though, when I caught him standing in front of the little potty, shorts down around his ankles, and frantically pulling at this diaper. When he spotted me, he started to panic and shouted, "Oh no, Mama! Poop! Poop!"
I must admit, I got a little excited at the sight of him, so afraid he may get poop in his diaper, desperately wanting to put that poop in the potty instead. I thought this was it. Potty training has begun and it was going to be a breeze! My little boy was ready and willing and this wait and see approach finally paid off. I could save a fortune on diapers. We could buy cute little Superman underwear. I would no longer have to cringe every time a friend talked about their toilet using child who is also months younger than Owen.
I helped Owen take off his diaper, he sat down on the potty, and I started going on and on about how exciting this was! He sat there quietly as I watched. His face turned a light shade of red and he made a few grunting sounds. After a minute or two he stood up, turned around, put his face only a few inches from the rim of the potty seat and shouted, "Woooaaaaaah Mama! Owen did it!! LOOK AT THAT POOP!!!! THAT'S A BIIIIIIIIG POOP!!! That's a LOT of poop!!"
My mind racing a mile a minute trying to figure out what kind of reward to give him, I prepared myself to view my son's very first non-diaper poo! Then I bent over to peek around his little head, and I saw right into the very EMPTY toilet bowl.
Moments later he did the exact same song and dance for pee.
I give him a million brownie points for the excellent imagination and impressive acting skills, but it looks like this potty training business still has us both baffled.
Friday, September 7, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
For richer and poorer
What's more exciting and frightening than having a child? Having two children. What's more exciting and frightening than having two children? Quitting your job to stay home and care for them. Today should have been my first day back to work after 10 weeks of maternity leave, instead Jon and I spent the better part of the last week and a half searching for alternate care for the boys. We had a sitter lined up since January but due to personal reasons she was no longer able to take them on. And in our search for a new care provider we learned that our friend was giving us a most generous discount. The cost of care elsewhere, even in-home providers, made it pointless for me to work. So I quit and started my new job as a stay at home mom or SAHM (I am incapable of typing that without thinking of dooce and Shit Ass Ho Motherfucker!).
While it is unnerving giving up nearly a third of our income I'm also super excited as this is something I've wanted to do since Owen was born but the loss of money was scary, preventing Jon and I from making such a drastic commitment. I guess you could say this was the kick in the pants we needed. I mean, if we're going to be broke, we might as well be broke while I stay home and enjoy the kids, right?
No, seriously, we are now broke. Extra money is a thing of the past. Somehow, in the span of a couple short weeks, we've become extremely poor and rich all at the same time. I have no money but I officially have everything I ever wanted in life.
While it is unnerving giving up nearly a third of our income I'm also super excited as this is something I've wanted to do since Owen was born but the loss of money was scary, preventing Jon and I from making such a drastic commitment. I guess you could say this was the kick in the pants we needed. I mean, if we're going to be broke, we might as well be broke while I stay home and enjoy the kids, right?
No, seriously, we are now broke. Extra money is a thing of the past. Somehow, in the span of a couple short weeks, we've become extremely poor and rich all at the same time. I have no money but I officially have everything I ever wanted in life.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Are you not writing because you're happy?
Yes. But you're in luck as my husband hopped a plane to San Antonio this morning, leaving me alone with not one but TWO kids for the week! Bedtime started over 2 hours ago and I THINK (fingers crossed!!) I may have finally gotten both little ones down for the night. I cannot, however, guarantee the 2-year-old still has his diaper on because I refuse to open his door for fear of waking him. Long story short, I had just enough pent up frustration to log in to this blog and type a few sentences.
No, seriously, the last few months have been so amazing...tiring, but truly amazing! For what it's worth, we did get the house I so desperately wanted in my last post. It's everything I hoped it would be and more. Can you say great neighbors, huge back yard, and en suite master bath? Of course, those are small potatoes compared to the blissful sleep we get every night. Yes, even now, with an infant in the house. I'll take the screams of a hungry newborn at 2:00 in the morning over the night-long stomping of the Elephant Man any day! I'm just so happy to be done with that part of our lives. I was 28 weeks pregnant when we moved out of the apartment, and let me tell you, despite swollen feet, a painful bout with sciatica, and being the size of a house, I slept like a baby to the very end of my pregnancy. I had a lot of catching up to do!
Even more important than the house is the announcement that Lucas arrived! He was born June 26 and weighed 8 pounds, 7 ounces. It was a super easy delivery that consisted of 2 and a half pushes. He's followed suit as a super easy-going, laid back baby whom I absolutely freaking adore. The last 8 weeks have forced me to reconsider my definition of soul mate as I don't believe I married mine but gave birth to him instead. It's like he was perfectly tailored for me. He's patient, loving, cuddly, smiley, easily amused, and nurses like a champ. He could spend entire days watching his big brother Owen fly around the house pretending to be Superman. He loves my singing and thinks I give really great baby massages. He also loves to be outside. He's been to every play ground within 20 miles of here, to the zoo, to the ocean, and even back to Ohio for a few days. He's a rock star. They say you have to let go of the baby you expected and learn to love the one you have. There was no learning required with Lucas.
Owen had a little harder time adjusting to a new baby in the house. I take the blame for that as I don't think we did enough to prepare him for a little brother. I should have read more books, talked to him more about what it would be like and what it would require from Mommy. I figured we could cover it more thoroughly after the baby arrived. Boy was I wrong! We had a lot of tantrums and acting out and still do occasionally but he's come around pretty quickly. He understands I still love him just as much as before and Lucas hasn't taken away his Mama. He loves to help change diapers, offer up toys when the baby is crying, and gives many, many kisses to the forehead. Owen has proven to be one hell of a big brother.
The transition from family of 3 to family of 4 certainly had it's hiccups but turned out to be much easier than I expected. In fact, if you could guarantee it would always be this easy, I might do it a dozen more times!
No, seriously, the last few months have been so amazing...tiring, but truly amazing! For what it's worth, we did get the house I so desperately wanted in my last post. It's everything I hoped it would be and more. Can you say great neighbors, huge back yard, and en suite master bath? Of course, those are small potatoes compared to the blissful sleep we get every night. Yes, even now, with an infant in the house. I'll take the screams of a hungry newborn at 2:00 in the morning over the night-long stomping of the Elephant Man any day! I'm just so happy to be done with that part of our lives. I was 28 weeks pregnant when we moved out of the apartment, and let me tell you, despite swollen feet, a painful bout with sciatica, and being the size of a house, I slept like a baby to the very end of my pregnancy. I had a lot of catching up to do!
Even more important than the house is the announcement that Lucas arrived! He was born June 26 and weighed 8 pounds, 7 ounces. It was a super easy delivery that consisted of 2 and a half pushes. He's followed suit as a super easy-going, laid back baby whom I absolutely freaking adore. The last 8 weeks have forced me to reconsider my definition of soul mate as I don't believe I married mine but gave birth to him instead. It's like he was perfectly tailored for me. He's patient, loving, cuddly, smiley, easily amused, and nurses like a champ. He could spend entire days watching his big brother Owen fly around the house pretending to be Superman. He loves my singing and thinks I give really great baby massages. He also loves to be outside. He's been to every play ground within 20 miles of here, to the zoo, to the ocean, and even back to Ohio for a few days. He's a rock star. They say you have to let go of the baby you expected and learn to love the one you have. There was no learning required with Lucas.
Owen had a little harder time adjusting to a new baby in the house. I take the blame for that as I don't think we did enough to prepare him for a little brother. I should have read more books, talked to him more about what it would be like and what it would require from Mommy. I figured we could cover it more thoroughly after the baby arrived. Boy was I wrong! We had a lot of tantrums and acting out and still do occasionally but he's come around pretty quickly. He understands I still love him just as much as before and Lucas hasn't taken away his Mama. He loves to help change diapers, offer up toys when the baby is crying, and gives many, many kisses to the forehead. Owen has proven to be one hell of a big brother.
The transition from family of 3 to family of 4 certainly had it's hiccups but turned out to be much easier than I expected. In fact, if you could guarantee it would always be this easy, I might do it a dozen more times!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Are you there God? It's me, Kate.
One dozen homes viewed. Three offers submitted, the last of which was sent in at 9:00 last night. Homes are coming off the market in less than a week span before we can even get an appointment to see them. Turns out having to give this much of notice to our current leasing manager was kind of a blessing in disguise. We couldn't be nearly as picky as we have been if we only had a month to look.
We actually found two places last night. One I could live in forever, and one that will work for the next year or two. We made the offer on the one I could live in forever, the one with brick exterior and light green siding. Ringing any bells with our Ohio friends and family? Yeah, it felt just like our house, but even better. I've been awake half the night staring at photos of the home and the neighborhood, willing it all to work out this time, and falling even more in love. I know I'm only asking for disappointment by doing so, but I mean really, how many times can you submit an offer and be told it just went in contract the same day you saw it? Fingers crossed that doesn't happen this time! I could really use a positive note to end this crappy week and word that our offer has been accepted could carry me for quite some time.
We actually found two places last night. One I could live in forever, and one that will work for the next year or two. We made the offer on the one I could live in forever, the one with brick exterior and light green siding. Ringing any bells with our Ohio friends and family? Yeah, it felt just like our house, but even better. I've been awake half the night staring at photos of the home and the neighborhood, willing it all to work out this time, and falling even more in love. I know I'm only asking for disappointment by doing so, but I mean really, how many times can you submit an offer and be told it just went in contract the same day you saw it? Fingers crossed that doesn't happen this time! I could really use a positive note to end this crappy week and word that our offer has been accepted could carry me for quite some time.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Things I learned from experience this week
1. Never tell people "He doesn't really need anything," when it comes to your son's birthday. They may take this as an invitation to skip even a card or note saying "I love you."
2. It's silly to expect particularly forgetful family members to remember to contact you on your own birthday, even if they did labor and birth you 30 years ago.
3. Maryland doctors of obstetrics and gynecology think it's perfectly understandable to charge you $620 for delivering your baby, even if said delivery isn't expected to take place for another 17 weeks. They may also refuse further treatment if you do not provide payment in full immediately.
4. Never put your child down while walking through a potential home, even if it's by appointment and he is a perfectly mobile toddler, because you never know when the current occupants may have left their attack dog in an upstairs bedroom.
5. If you send long, emotional, and ranting texts to your husband who is 1,400 miles away he may always reply with "It'll be okay. I love you." He probably thinks he's showing sympathy but he's actually just making you feel like an unreasonable and raving lunatic.
Overall, it's been a particularly shitty week. One thing I do have going for me is this incredibly sweet gesture from one amazing little boy. I want him to sing Happy Birthday to me for the rest of my days! I love the exaggerated way he curls his lips, and note the surprise on his face when he realizes who we're singing to:
2. It's silly to expect particularly forgetful family members to remember to contact you on your own birthday, even if they did labor and birth you 30 years ago.
3. Maryland doctors of obstetrics and gynecology think it's perfectly understandable to charge you $620 for delivering your baby, even if said delivery isn't expected to take place for another 17 weeks. They may also refuse further treatment if you do not provide payment in full immediately.
4. Never put your child down while walking through a potential home, even if it's by appointment and he is a perfectly mobile toddler, because you never know when the current occupants may have left their attack dog in an upstairs bedroom.
5. If you send long, emotional, and ranting texts to your husband who is 1,400 miles away he may always reply with "It'll be okay. I love you." He probably thinks he's showing sympathy but he's actually just making you feel like an unreasonable and raving lunatic.
Overall, it's been a particularly shitty week. One thing I do have going for me is this incredibly sweet gesture from one amazing little boy. I want him to sing Happy Birthday to me for the rest of my days! I love the exaggerated way he curls his lips, and note the surprise on his face when he realizes who we're singing to:
Monday, February 27, 2012
The last day of my twenties
We ran away to Ohio for the majority of last week. Mostly we did it for me, because I'm turning 30 tomorrow and I couldn't stomach the idea of facing that without seeing some of the most important people in my life, but we also did it for Owen who turned 2 years old on Wednesday. I couldn't stomach the idea of him getting older without those same people surrounding him.
It was really a wonderful time. I got my fill of friends, family, and even a couple co-workers while there. The only other time we'd gone back for any extended period of time was for my father's funeral and time with my family took precidence over meeting my girlfriends or catching up with the in-laws. Not to mention we had just found out I was pregnant then. In fact, I took the deciding pregnancy test in the questionably clean bathroom of a Best Western in Breezewood, Pennsylvania on our way back to Ohio only hours after finding out my dad had passed away. Let's just say my head wasn't truly in our last extended visit.
Last week was a much needed vacation. I adore my husband and son but time with my girlfriends is important as it's one of the few things that reminds of who I am beyond mother and wife. They bring Kate out to play and they're just so damn entertaining. Facebook can only go so far in keeping in touch with loved ones. Sometimes you need the real thing and the real stories and the real laughs to really feel a part of anything.
Owen also seemed to have a great time with his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, and his friends. He cried every time we drove away from a grandparent and it broke my heart, making me question whether or not moving away was the right decision. Fortunately, the look on his face when we walked in the door after the 6 hour drive home and the way he ran to his toys, to his bed, to his favorite hiding places, and the smile that crossed his lips helped ease my fears. Owen had a great time in Ohio but he was never as comfortable and at home as he was within a mere 5 minutes of walking into our Baltimore home. He misses everyone like I do, but he also likes his life here as much as I do.
While I'm also pretty sure Jon had a good time, I know he only did it for me. He knew how much I needed to see everyone, and he was in no position to argue as he left for a week long work conference in Dallas this morning. He knew I needed good times and good memories to fill my heart for this coming week since I am literally facing my 30th birthday alone. I'm so thankful he knew.
It was really a wonderful time. I got my fill of friends, family, and even a couple co-workers while there. The only other time we'd gone back for any extended period of time was for my father's funeral and time with my family took precidence over meeting my girlfriends or catching up with the in-laws. Not to mention we had just found out I was pregnant then. In fact, I took the deciding pregnancy test in the questionably clean bathroom of a Best Western in Breezewood, Pennsylvania on our way back to Ohio only hours after finding out my dad had passed away. Let's just say my head wasn't truly in our last extended visit.
Last week was a much needed vacation. I adore my husband and son but time with my girlfriends is important as it's one of the few things that reminds of who I am beyond mother and wife. They bring Kate out to play and they're just so damn entertaining. Facebook can only go so far in keeping in touch with loved ones. Sometimes you need the real thing and the real stories and the real laughs to really feel a part of anything.
Owen also seemed to have a great time with his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, and his friends. He cried every time we drove away from a grandparent and it broke my heart, making me question whether or not moving away was the right decision. Fortunately, the look on his face when we walked in the door after the 6 hour drive home and the way he ran to his toys, to his bed, to his favorite hiding places, and the smile that crossed his lips helped ease my fears. Owen had a great time in Ohio but he was never as comfortable and at home as he was within a mere 5 minutes of walking into our Baltimore home. He misses everyone like I do, but he also likes his life here as much as I do.
While I'm also pretty sure Jon had a good time, I know he only did it for me. He knew how much I needed to see everyone, and he was in no position to argue as he left for a week long work conference in Dallas this morning. He knew I needed good times and good memories to fill my heart for this coming week since I am literally facing my 30th birthday alone. I'm so thankful he knew.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Removing the anvil from my chest
I logged on to Facebook today and while scrolling through the news feed, I found a friend of mine shared a link regarding the decline of parents opting to have their little boys circumcised and her excitement at the news. Given the debatable subject of the article I knew it was bound to create a few opinionated posts, and being the nosy Facebooker that I am I decided to read the comments. Bottom line, I should have known better, but what can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment.
One thing I want to make clear is this has nothing to do with the friend who posted the link because she is truly a wonderful person and I value her advice in both parenting and lifestyle. I'm writing this now because the emotions I took away from her post reminded me of a topic that has plagued me during my entire time as a mother. It just so happens that her innocent and maybe even random re-posting of an article and some of the responses gave me the words to do so.
The following was too long to add to any comment thread:
I love my children with every fiber of my being. They are my entire world and the thought of anything ever happening to remove them from that world sends chills down my spine, creates a painful emptiness in my chest and completely removes my will to live. And that's just the thought that anything could happen. Every single decision in our lives, big or small, important or seemingly irrelevant, is made with them in mind. Every decision I have ever had to make as a parent, some even prior to becoming pregnant the first time, was made to keep us all functioning and happy and healthy to the best of my human abilities. I do the research, I ask for advice, I sit down and contemplate and try to envision every possible outcome, and then roll all of that into one final decision that will keep us moving as a solid unit.
I like to think this makes me a good mother. I have to believe this makes me a good mother. I have to remind myself all the time amidst debates on staying at home versus working, breastfeeding versus formula, vaccinating or not, circumcising or not, I made all of these very tricky decisions with Owen in mind. I made them to the very best of my knowledge with ALL of us in mind because we have to work as a whole. And I have to tell myself this makes me a great mother because based on some things I've read online I've already failed miserably despite putting my children first.
I breastfed for seven months. They were the darkest, scariest seven months of my life. I'm alternating between typing and sobbing right now as I force myself to go back there and find the words to describe it for you. Medication didn't work. I had this precious, beautiful little boy with bright eyes and the sweetest smile looking up at me every day and I couldn't return the favor. I never wanted to hurt him...just myself, very badly. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that if I ended my own pain by hurting myself I would in turn be hurting him. Strangely, the only thing that kept me alive was him and my unwillingness to give up on him. But it was my unwillingness to accept that breastfeeding, at that time, was not right for me and my inability to put the peer pressure and the everlasting battle between breastfeeding and bottle-feeding behind me that kept me in that horrific and depressing state in the first place! I tried to do what the majority of other mothers said was the only correct choice, and I fought a very scary bout of postpartum depression that was only prolonged by the breastfeeding, and I nearly did more harm than good.
So all you moms can come and yell at me for giving my child formula for the remaining five months of his first year, and for being fully prepared to do the same with the child that is in my womb should the same circumstances arise the second time around. You can scold me and tell me how selfish I am for not giving my child the best start possible. Go ahead. I won't listen. I will continue to make the choices that are best for MY children and OUR family and I will NEVER judge a woman for opting against breastfeeding. After all, how am I possibly giving my child the best start if it puts me in such a dark place that I can barely see him?
In my world, making the decision to stay at home or work, to breastfeed or use formula, organic or inorganic, to vaccinate or not, to circumcise or not, to baptize or not, to home school or private school or public school does not add or reduce value to your motherhood. What matters is that you give your children as much love and attention and safety and guidance as you possibly can. Help them become strong, confident, thoughtful, brave little people. Offer the support necessary to carry those traits into adulthood and their own parenthood. That alone will determine your value in motherhood.
For the record, Owen is circumcised. It wasn't until I learned we were having a little boy that I was made aware of an option not to. Jon and I sat down and talked about it, and I asked him if, given the choice again, he would opt to have the procedure done and he said "Yes." And since I lack a penis and the mountain of pride that seems to be held there, who am I to argue?
One thing I want to make clear is this has nothing to do with the friend who posted the link because she is truly a wonderful person and I value her advice in both parenting and lifestyle. I'm writing this now because the emotions I took away from her post reminded me of a topic that has plagued me during my entire time as a mother. It just so happens that her innocent and maybe even random re-posting of an article and some of the responses gave me the words to do so.
***
The following was too long to add to any comment thread:
I love my children with every fiber of my being. They are my entire world and the thought of anything ever happening to remove them from that world sends chills down my spine, creates a painful emptiness in my chest and completely removes my will to live. And that's just the thought that anything could happen. Every single decision in our lives, big or small, important or seemingly irrelevant, is made with them in mind. Every decision I have ever had to make as a parent, some even prior to becoming pregnant the first time, was made to keep us all functioning and happy and healthy to the best of my human abilities. I do the research, I ask for advice, I sit down and contemplate and try to envision every possible outcome, and then roll all of that into one final decision that will keep us moving as a solid unit.
I like to think this makes me a good mother. I have to believe this makes me a good mother. I have to remind myself all the time amidst debates on staying at home versus working, breastfeeding versus formula, vaccinating or not, circumcising or not, I made all of these very tricky decisions with Owen in mind. I made them to the very best of my knowledge with ALL of us in mind because we have to work as a whole. And I have to tell myself this makes me a great mother because based on some things I've read online I've already failed miserably despite putting my children first.
I breastfed for seven months. They were the darkest, scariest seven months of my life. I'm alternating between typing and sobbing right now as I force myself to go back there and find the words to describe it for you. Medication didn't work. I had this precious, beautiful little boy with bright eyes and the sweetest smile looking up at me every day and I couldn't return the favor. I never wanted to hurt him...just myself, very badly. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that if I ended my own pain by hurting myself I would in turn be hurting him. Strangely, the only thing that kept me alive was him and my unwillingness to give up on him. But it was my unwillingness to accept that breastfeeding, at that time, was not right for me and my inability to put the peer pressure and the everlasting battle between breastfeeding and bottle-feeding behind me that kept me in that horrific and depressing state in the first place! I tried to do what the majority of other mothers said was the only correct choice, and I fought a very scary bout of postpartum depression that was only prolonged by the breastfeeding, and I nearly did more harm than good.
So all you moms can come and yell at me for giving my child formula for the remaining five months of his first year, and for being fully prepared to do the same with the child that is in my womb should the same circumstances arise the second time around. You can scold me and tell me how selfish I am for not giving my child the best start possible. Go ahead. I won't listen. I will continue to make the choices that are best for MY children and OUR family and I will NEVER judge a woman for opting against breastfeeding. After all, how am I possibly giving my child the best start if it puts me in such a dark place that I can barely see him?
In my world, making the decision to stay at home or work, to breastfeed or use formula, organic or inorganic, to vaccinate or not, to circumcise or not, to baptize or not, to home school or private school or public school does not add or reduce value to your motherhood. What matters is that you give your children as much love and attention and safety and guidance as you possibly can. Help them become strong, confident, thoughtful, brave little people. Offer the support necessary to carry those traits into adulthood and their own parenthood. That alone will determine your value in motherhood.
***
For the record, Owen is circumcised. It wasn't until I learned we were having a little boy that I was made aware of an option not to. Jon and I sat down and talked about it, and I asked him if, given the choice again, he would opt to have the procedure done and he said "Yes." And since I lack a penis and the mountain of pride that seems to be held there, who am I to argue?
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