Sunday, May 18, 2008

Sunday Letters Vol. 2

Dear Ben & Jerry,

I'm writing in regards to your Cinnamon Buns flavored ice cream. It came highly recommended to me by multiple friends, so when I was finally able to locate this elusive flavor at the local grocery store with the description of Caramel Ice Cream with Cinnamon Bun Dough and a Cinnamon Streusel Swirl, I was beyond elated. For the first time in my life I didn't think twice about spending nearly $5 on a tiny pint of ice cream.

Later that night I pulled the day's only splurge from the freezer and sat down to watch an episode of Lost while enjoying my Cinnamon Buns. I figured I could do what I usually do with your ice cream--eat 2 of the ½ cup servings, and just before the ice cream starts to melt around the edges of the container, put it back in the freezer for another day. But what happened on this particular night was devastating--your Cinnamon Buns flavored ice cream was so delicious, so flavorful, and tasted so much like real iced cinnamon buns that I ate the entire pint in 15 minutes. I ate all 4 servings and all 1,160 calories in 15 minutes and I still frantically scraped at the sides of the cardboard container for just a little more.

I can see how you would think this is wonderful news, after all, how can it be bad for business when someone was able to enjoy your ice cream so much? Well, I have to tell you that 5 minutes after finishing the pint of ice cream, after the sugar induced euphoria went away, I was riddled with guilt and it felt much like I would imagine a usually responsible woman does after her first drunken one night stand. In hindsight, eating your ice cream was like waking up with an explosive headache and turning over to find a naked stranger in bed next to me. At that moment all you can think is, What the fuck have I done?

So, in conclusion, it's obvious that I think your product is absolutely and amazingly delicious, but I can't help but think of it as Eve's apple in the Garden of Eden--uncontrollably tempting, but extremely dangerous. You are playing with fire in a world of Weight Watcher's, 100 calorie snack packs, and 0 trans fat. If you are not careful all of those innocent people who have joined the 50 Million Pound Challenge will gain back the 2 million pounds they have lost already just by eating your ice cream. Do you really want that on your conscience? I know I wouldn't.



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