1. Lay off Facebook.
While I think Facebook is a really awesome tool for keeping in touch with friends and family in other states, I also see it as a huge pain in the ass. I think part of my problem is I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I don't necessarily want to know what it is and I especially don't want it thrown in my face when my opinion may be entirely different. Facebook makes that entirely too easy. If I reacted to everything that offended or annoyed me on Facebook I would have a friends list of something like 9 people. Call me soft, call me a hypocrite, call me what you will, but seeing as I don't have the guts to do a mass friend deletion I think I'll just back off a bit and update occasionally. Besides, maybe this will stop prompting me to write an entry about how Facebook killed my blog! It is way too easy to log onto Facebook and post a quick status update as opposed to starting and finishing a blog. It's time to use Facebook only as a tool to keep friends and family updated and save the meat and potatoes for this blog.
2. Visit New York City during the holidays.
We had every intention of going this past Christmas but we didn't make the time. No excuses in 2012.
3. Blog at least twice a week.
I totally stole this resolution from a fellow blogger because it is pure genius! All these years I've been resolving to "write on a regular basis" but when your regular blogging schedule is once a month it can still leave much to be desired. Hopefully putting an actual number on it will give me a little more guidance on what is a "regular basis".
4. Organize our closets.
You'd think downsizing from a house to an apartment would be a somewhat difficult task but it wasn't in our case. Our apartment is almost the size of our house only instead of a third bedroom we have 2 walk-in closets, 3 full wall length closets, a linen closet the size of a powder room, and an additional storage area elsewhere in the building. Needless to say, we didn't have to get rid of much even though we probably should have. The only frustrating thing about all of this storage space is it was all haphazardly thrown in place before I arrived and since it was all out of sight and we were having so many troubles with The Elephant Man that we didn't intend to stay for any extended period of time there wasn't much reason to truly settle in. It's still uncertain whether we will stay or go when our lease is up in April -- the pros and cons of which I intend to weigh in a separate blog -- but I'm finding that it will be a) hard to find another apartment or townhouse with nearly this much storage and therefore forcing us to really downsize our clutter and b) hard to move all of this clutter to a new place on our own. Either way, if we stay or we go, I would like to have closets that both make even a little sense and can be somewhat easily transported.
5. Continue to grow and play with Owen and the newest little Keenan due in June!
Say whaaaaat? Did she just imply she is pregnant? Why, yes, I did! And if Facebook hadn't killed my blog you would have found out 2 months ago when everyone else did. We couldn't be more happy and excited to welcome another child into our family. I don't think Owen can truly grasp the concept of what is going to happen come this summer, however, he has taken a sudden interest and curiosity in all things baby. He is going to be a wonderful big brother and Jon and I can't be more excited to see him take on that role. Owen has been such a blessing in our lives and I know his little sibling will only bring us more joy -- lots of sleepless nights and perhaps put me back on antidepressants -- but another little Keenan will be totally worth it.
Showing posts with label resolutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label resolutions. Show all posts
Monday, January 9, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
2011 Self-review
You know what's really awesome about having so many years worth of recorded resolutions and self reviews? Having the opportunity to look back on them once a year and give yourself a pat on the back for a) writing them so well even you enjoy re-reading them, and b) having the guts to be so brutally honest. I always forget this about myself -- that I have no shame when beating myself over the head via blogging -- and damn, I can write like the best of 'em! It's just a matter of, you know, actually doing it.
2011 was one very challenging and exciting year. Jon accepted a promotion that moved our little family to Baltimore, Maryland -- 350 miles away from home -- but not before Owen and I got to endure 3 months of life without him. This year I learned to have the utmost respect for single mothers and I didn't even have to do it on one income!
We finally met Jon in Baltimore in July and found that life here is somehow more calm and more exciting at the same time. I suppose this is what happens when you reunite with the missing 1/3 of your family and find yourself living in a city with all new places to entertain yourself and with simple day trips to Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, New York City, the east coast. I lived a rather sheltered life as a kid -- I knew our block like the back of my hand but very rarely even ventured to the neighboring city -- and having new adventures and the means to explore them with Owen feels so awesome. We truly are lucky.
Yesterday I admitted to a friend that moving away from so many great friends and all of our family was really hard, and I do get extremely homesick from time to time, but given the choice, I would definitely do it all over again. While we are very much still building our lives here, I do feel very confident when I say we are where we belong. Baltimore is slowly but surely becoming home.
Anyway, in true Deciphering Kate fashion, I am incapable of posting any new resolutions before reviewing how strong the previous year's held up. Let's give it go, shall we?
1. Be more positive.
How can I even begin to compare my outlook on life last year to now? Someone turned on the lights? Pulled the scarf from my eyes? Cleared the clouds from head? Reached into the six foot grave I had buried myself in, grabbed my hand, and gently pulled me out while screaming "You don't have to live like this!"? I'm not sure any of those descriptions are really strong enough. I'm not sure how it even happened. All I know is that girl was in a very dark place and couldn't find a way out. But something or someone helped her out because she's not there anymore. She's actually quite happy.
2. Make time for myself.
This one had to come in baby steps: self pedicures while catching up with the DVR, making a break for it on the occasional Thursday evening and exploring the city by myself (sometimes with GPS, sometimes without depending on how adventurous I was feeling), ignoring the stack of junk mail on the dining room table for a week. Then some time in the last few months I caught myself watching entire seasons of One Tree Hill on Netflix on-demand. I watched 6 seasons in just over a months span. Aw crap! Did I just admit that? Well, it shows that I've learned to make time for myself, right? Don't worry, Grey's Anatomy returns tonight so I'll be able to reinstate my taste in evening soap operas momentarily.
3. Continue to play and grow with Owen.
There was a time during that 3 month period of living apart from Jon when I would have scoffed at and thrown out this resolution had I remembered it. Owen and I did not get along. In fact, Owen did not like most anyone. Owen only wanted his daddy and it broke my heart that I didn't have an immediate fix for him. The funny thing is it didn't even fix itself after moving to Baltimore and living with Jon again. Owen was still convinced his daddy was going to leave and he'd be stuck with ME, the horrible, evil Mommy who isn't half as cool as Daddy. It took another 3 months for Owen to realize neither of us were going anywhere and when he finally had that realization, I was rewarded with the most amazing hugs and kisses! He smiles at me, he yells "MAMA!" like a big, Italian man who hasn't seen his mother in years even if it's only been a few hours, he takes my hand, says "Up!" and leads me to whatever he wants to show me, and he realized that it broke my heart a little when he stopped letting me rock him to sleep and he let me rock him again. Owen is the most absolutely amazing and curious creature I have ever laid eyes on. Every day I'm dazzled by the way his mind works and the joy he finds in such little things. Every night I fight the urge to wake him up so we can play and explore more. We may have had a rocky start, and I may have had my doubts along the way, but right now, at this moment, I can tell you without doubt that I have never known love like what I have for Owen and to have that love reciprocated is the best gift any woman can ever ask for.
4. Find a confidant.
Shortly after making this resolution I realized I have many confidants. For such a quiet and reserved person I seem to put a lot of my business out there, on this blog, on Facebook, in a text message, in person or over the phone. I actually have a very hard time keeping things in and often find myself sharing it with EVERYONE. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm not entirely sure what I was looking for from this resolution and I am actually quite happy with my current means of confiding.
5. Cover my family in bubble wrap and place them in a padded room.
Seeing as my father died back in October this goes down as an EPIC FAIL but at the time of writing I could not have known I would be moving to another state therefore making it much harder to keep everyone safe. Bubble wrap and a padded room would not have helped my father anyway. For what it's worth, I always felt the new distance made my father and I closer somehow. We actually had to put serious effort into keeping in touch and he was so willing to put in the effort that it warmed my heart. I love you, Dad.
As always, this year's resolutions coming soon...hopefully before I break them all!
2011 was one very challenging and exciting year. Jon accepted a promotion that moved our little family to Baltimore, Maryland -- 350 miles away from home -- but not before Owen and I got to endure 3 months of life without him. This year I learned to have the utmost respect for single mothers and I didn't even have to do it on one income!
We finally met Jon in Baltimore in July and found that life here is somehow more calm and more exciting at the same time. I suppose this is what happens when you reunite with the missing 1/3 of your family and find yourself living in a city with all new places to entertain yourself and with simple day trips to Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, New York City, the east coast. I lived a rather sheltered life as a kid -- I knew our block like the back of my hand but very rarely even ventured to the neighboring city -- and having new adventures and the means to explore them with Owen feels so awesome. We truly are lucky.
Yesterday I admitted to a friend that moving away from so many great friends and all of our family was really hard, and I do get extremely homesick from time to time, but given the choice, I would definitely do it all over again. While we are very much still building our lives here, I do feel very confident when I say we are where we belong. Baltimore is slowly but surely becoming home.
Anyway, in true Deciphering Kate fashion, I am incapable of posting any new resolutions before reviewing how strong the previous year's held up. Let's give it go, shall we?
1. Be more positive.
How can I even begin to compare my outlook on life last year to now? Someone turned on the lights? Pulled the scarf from my eyes? Cleared the clouds from head? Reached into the six foot grave I had buried myself in, grabbed my hand, and gently pulled me out while screaming "You don't have to live like this!"? I'm not sure any of those descriptions are really strong enough. I'm not sure how it even happened. All I know is that girl was in a very dark place and couldn't find a way out. But something or someone helped her out because she's not there anymore. She's actually quite happy.
2. Make time for myself.
This one had to come in baby steps: self pedicures while catching up with the DVR, making a break for it on the occasional Thursday evening and exploring the city by myself (sometimes with GPS, sometimes without depending on how adventurous I was feeling), ignoring the stack of junk mail on the dining room table for a week. Then some time in the last few months I caught myself watching entire seasons of One Tree Hill on Netflix on-demand. I watched 6 seasons in just over a months span. Aw crap! Did I just admit that? Well, it shows that I've learned to make time for myself, right? Don't worry, Grey's Anatomy returns tonight so I'll be able to reinstate my taste in evening soap operas momentarily.
3. Continue to play and grow with Owen.
There was a time during that 3 month period of living apart from Jon when I would have scoffed at and thrown out this resolution had I remembered it. Owen and I did not get along. In fact, Owen did not like most anyone. Owen only wanted his daddy and it broke my heart that I didn't have an immediate fix for him. The funny thing is it didn't even fix itself after moving to Baltimore and living with Jon again. Owen was still convinced his daddy was going to leave and he'd be stuck with ME, the horrible, evil Mommy who isn't half as cool as Daddy. It took another 3 months for Owen to realize neither of us were going anywhere and when he finally had that realization, I was rewarded with the most amazing hugs and kisses! He smiles at me, he yells "MAMA!" like a big, Italian man who hasn't seen his mother in years even if it's only been a few hours, he takes my hand, says "Up!" and leads me to whatever he wants to show me, and he realized that it broke my heart a little when he stopped letting me rock him to sleep and he let me rock him again. Owen is the most absolutely amazing and curious creature I have ever laid eyes on. Every day I'm dazzled by the way his mind works and the joy he finds in such little things. Every night I fight the urge to wake him up so we can play and explore more. We may have had a rocky start, and I may have had my doubts along the way, but right now, at this moment, I can tell you without doubt that I have never known love like what I have for Owen and to have that love reciprocated is the best gift any woman can ever ask for.
4. Find a confidant.
Shortly after making this resolution I realized I have many confidants. For such a quiet and reserved person I seem to put a lot of my business out there, on this blog, on Facebook, in a text message, in person or over the phone. I actually have a very hard time keeping things in and often find myself sharing it with EVERYONE. I guess what I'm trying to say is...I'm not entirely sure what I was looking for from this resolution and I am actually quite happy with my current means of confiding.
5. Cover my family in bubble wrap and place them in a padded room.
Seeing as my father died back in October this goes down as an EPIC FAIL but at the time of writing I could not have known I would be moving to another state therefore making it much harder to keep everyone safe. Bubble wrap and a padded room would not have helped my father anyway. For what it's worth, I always felt the new distance made my father and I closer somehow. We actually had to put serious effort into keeping in touch and he was so willing to put in the effort that it warmed my heart. I love you, Dad.
As always, this year's resolutions coming soon...hopefully before I break them all!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011 New Year Resolutions
I anticipate 2011 will be a year of rediscovery and changing my frame of mind. Back in 2008 I reached a point where I really did not like the person I'd become and small step by small step I changed everything I hated to become someone I loved. I plan to do it again, and this is how:
1. Be more positive.
I wish I could understand where this abundance of negativity is coming from. I've always been a "grass is always greener" kind of gal but what I've been experiencing and exuding this last year is ugly even for me. I feel like I never have anything upbeat to say and my thoughts are very, very dark. I've convinced myself it's all a conspiracy, that the whole world is out to get me and they want me to feel like shit. I've never felt so alone in my life and I'm pretty sure it's all my own doing. This year I need to promise myself that I'll stop jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst of people. I have to look in the mirror and not out the window.
2. Make time for myself.
I played with the wording on this one for a long time. I needed a resolution that encouraged me to take care of myself, to be healthy, to read books, to get a manicure, or take a bubble bath. I needed something to remind me to look after myself too, and when I stopped to think about why I haven't done these things in the last year it's because I don't have time. That's what I told myself anyway. I've put so much time and energy in trying to be Wonder Mom and Wonder Wife that I lost my own sense of self-worth in the process, subsequently destroying all attempts at being the best ME I can be for myself and my family. This year I need to make the time. I can't be Wonder Mom or Wonder Wife when I don't like myself or who I have become. I need to be proud of who I am and appreciative of what I have and I can only do that through rediscovering my confidence and slowing down just enough to look around and enjoy my life.
3. Continue to play and grow with Owen.
My son is amazing. He's taught me patience, love, understanding, and my heart grows a little bigger every time I witness him notice something new about the world. This past Christmas -- his first Christmas -- he looked at every package, took off the decorative bow, and turned around to play contentedly with his new "toy". He didn't need what was inside because he was more than happy with the free stuff on the surface. He has an appreciation for everything no matter how big or small and I want to be there every step of the way to enjoy this time and learn everything I can from this precious little boy.
4. Find a confidant.
My husband is my best friend but I've come to realize that my husband cannot handle listening to my worries and woes -- not because he isn't a good listener -- but because it tears him apart when he can't fix whatever worry or woe I've brought to him. I need to find someone I can vent to. I need someone who can nod their head while I bitch/scream/cry, tell me it will all be okay, and then we'll be on our merry way. Constructive criticism or advice are always welcome but not required. I think this blog will have to do for the time being but it's a lot easier to vent when I don't have to worry about making sense (or sounding completely sane) to the masses.
5. Cover my family in bubble wrap and place them in a padded room.
I know, I know, I'm only setting myself up to fail with this one because there is no way anyone in their right mind would let me cover them in plastic and lock them in a room all year, but given the losses we've suffered this year it's awfully tempting. What I can do is encourage everyone to make the time to take care of themselves too. I know a few family members who have made resolutions to get back in shape and I can help motivate them by providing advice and encouragement. Now that I'm a non-smoker (exactly 1.5 years smoke-free as of today!!!) I can take a stand and help motivate the last few family members and friends to stop smoking as well. I can't forcefully protect anyone but I can offer my time and experience as means to help make the most of their health.
1. Be more positive.
I wish I could understand where this abundance of negativity is coming from. I've always been a "grass is always greener" kind of gal but what I've been experiencing and exuding this last year is ugly even for me. I feel like I never have anything upbeat to say and my thoughts are very, very dark. I've convinced myself it's all a conspiracy, that the whole world is out to get me and they want me to feel like shit. I've never felt so alone in my life and I'm pretty sure it's all my own doing. This year I need to promise myself that I'll stop jumping to conclusions and thinking the worst of people. I have to look in the mirror and not out the window.
2. Make time for myself.
I played with the wording on this one for a long time. I needed a resolution that encouraged me to take care of myself, to be healthy, to read books, to get a manicure, or take a bubble bath. I needed something to remind me to look after myself too, and when I stopped to think about why I haven't done these things in the last year it's because I don't have time. That's what I told myself anyway. I've put so much time and energy in trying to be Wonder Mom and Wonder Wife that I lost my own sense of self-worth in the process, subsequently destroying all attempts at being the best ME I can be for myself and my family. This year I need to make the time. I can't be Wonder Mom or Wonder Wife when I don't like myself or who I have become. I need to be proud of who I am and appreciative of what I have and I can only do that through rediscovering my confidence and slowing down just enough to look around and enjoy my life.
3. Continue to play and grow with Owen.
My son is amazing. He's taught me patience, love, understanding, and my heart grows a little bigger every time I witness him notice something new about the world. This past Christmas -- his first Christmas -- he looked at every package, took off the decorative bow, and turned around to play contentedly with his new "toy". He didn't need what was inside because he was more than happy with the free stuff on the surface. He has an appreciation for everything no matter how big or small and I want to be there every step of the way to enjoy this time and learn everything I can from this precious little boy.
4. Find a confidant.
My husband is my best friend but I've come to realize that my husband cannot handle listening to my worries and woes -- not because he isn't a good listener -- but because it tears him apart when he can't fix whatever worry or woe I've brought to him. I need to find someone I can vent to. I need someone who can nod their head while I bitch/scream/cry, tell me it will all be okay, and then we'll be on our merry way. Constructive criticism or advice are always welcome but not required. I think this blog will have to do for the time being but it's a lot easier to vent when I don't have to worry about making sense (or sounding completely sane) to the masses.
5. Cover my family in bubble wrap and place them in a padded room.
I know, I know, I'm only setting myself up to fail with this one because there is no way anyone in their right mind would let me cover them in plastic and lock them in a room all year, but given the losses we've suffered this year it's awfully tempting. What I can do is encourage everyone to make the time to take care of themselves too. I know a few family members who have made resolutions to get back in shape and I can help motivate them by providing advice and encouragement. Now that I'm a non-smoker (exactly 1.5 years smoke-free as of today!!!) I can take a stand and help motivate the last few family members and friends to stop smoking as well. I can't forcefully protect anyone but I can offer my time and experience as means to help make the most of their health.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
2010 Self-review
Hello? Is anyone there? I didn't think so. That's okay...I have no social life on or off line so I'm pretty good at talking to myself anyway. Wait...what? You're still here? Oh bless your pretty sweet soul!
It's that time of year again. The time where I go in search of my New Year's resolutions and evaluate my performance. Self reviews are the hardest, you know. And it doesn't help when last year's resolution entry makes me want to bang my head against a concrete wall. I thought 2009 was a bumpy one? I thought 2009 included some of the lowest lows of my life? Honey, it was just starting!
2010 will forever go down in the record books as the year full of love and loss. I brought LIFE into this world. I gave birth to a beautiful little boy who surprises and amazes me every second I'm around him, and yet I felt like death was following me everywhere--first when my brother died in June, again when Jon's lovely Aunt Cynthia passed away November 22 after a long, brave battle with cancer, and again on December 6 when our precious dog Macy became so horribly ill we had no choice but to have her put down. I've seen so many wonderful things this year yet I've had to watch so many wonderful lives fizzle and fade away. Every bone in my body wants to say I HATE 2010 but I can't because nearly four years of hoping and praying for a baby finally came to fruition.
I don't know what else I can say.
Fortunately I only made one resolution: "I want to be the best mommy I can be. I want to be the mother who is madly in love, attentive, interested, and active in her child's life. I can't promise to lose the baby weight, or start saving for college right away, or to keep the house immaculate at all times. All I can do is promise to do my best, and love this little miracle for all he's worth."
In my very unprofessional opinion, I only recently succeeded at this goal. I didn't write about it here because I was too embarrassed/ashamed/sad/infuriated/disgusted with myself to admit that I was suffering from a severe case of postpartum depression. I never once wanted to hurt Owen but I often thought about hurting myself. I often thought I was in over my head, that I could never love my child as much as he deserved to be loved. Only recently did I realize I can love him enough and I do love him enough and I need him just as much as he needs me. That bond I felt with the baby kicking inside of me? It's finally back and it's stronger than any bond I have ever known.
So did I succeed in being the best mommy I can be? Yes. Was I perfect? Absolutely not! I did, however, stress WAY too much about losing the baby weight (it's all still there!!), saving for college (yet there is nothing...), and keeping the house immaculate (okay, maybe I...nope, didn't pull that one off either!).
It's that time of year again. The time where I go in search of my New Year's resolutions and evaluate my performance. Self reviews are the hardest, you know. And it doesn't help when last year's resolution entry makes me want to bang my head against a concrete wall. I thought 2009 was a bumpy one? I thought 2009 included some of the lowest lows of my life? Honey, it was just starting!
2010 will forever go down in the record books as the year full of love and loss. I brought LIFE into this world. I gave birth to a beautiful little boy who surprises and amazes me every second I'm around him, and yet I felt like death was following me everywhere--first when my brother died in June, again when Jon's lovely Aunt Cynthia passed away November 22 after a long, brave battle with cancer, and again on December 6 when our precious dog Macy became so horribly ill we had no choice but to have her put down. I've seen so many wonderful things this year yet I've had to watch so many wonderful lives fizzle and fade away. Every bone in my body wants to say I HATE 2010 but I can't because nearly four years of hoping and praying for a baby finally came to fruition.
I don't know what else I can say.
Fortunately I only made one resolution: "I want to be the best mommy I can be. I want to be the mother who is madly in love, attentive, interested, and active in her child's life. I can't promise to lose the baby weight, or start saving for college right away, or to keep the house immaculate at all times. All I can do is promise to do my best, and love this little miracle for all he's worth."
In my very unprofessional opinion, I only recently succeeded at this goal. I didn't write about it here because I was too embarrassed/ashamed/sad/infuriated/disgusted with myself to admit that I was suffering from a severe case of postpartum depression. I never once wanted to hurt Owen but I often thought about hurting myself. I often thought I was in over my head, that I could never love my child as much as he deserved to be loved. Only recently did I realize I can love him enough and I do love him enough and I need him just as much as he needs me. That bond I felt with the baby kicking inside of me? It's finally back and it's stronger than any bond I have ever known.
So did I succeed in being the best mommy I can be? Yes. Was I perfect? Absolutely not! I did, however, stress WAY too much about losing the baby weight (it's all still there!!), saving for college (yet there is nothing...), and keeping the house immaculate (okay, maybe I...nope, didn't pull that one off either!).
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Looking Forward
I just finished reading four months of archives (November 2008 - March 2009) and I've come up empty handed on any 2009 New Year Resolutions. Turns out I didn't make any, or if I did, they were never written down. I have to say I was a little surprised at first, but when I started reading through those archives I realized I didn't really need to make any resolutions. In my mind I had already accomplished the inconceivable: I liked myself! And the only reason I ever made resolutions in the first place was to map out a way of coming to terms with who I was by the end of the next year, and hope beyond hope that I liked that person a little better than the person I was when I made the resolutions.
That being said, I couldn't have possibly prepared myself for the multiple speed bumps 2009 had in store for me. I had no way of knowing that I would lose my job, or that I would finally become pregnant, or that I would find a much better job with better people and better pay and a better commute just to live in fear of whether or not they would freak out when I finally admitted I was pregnant. I couldn't have known that I would fly in an airplane or see the lights of Las Vegas for the first time. I never would have guessed I'd come within 40 pounds of my goal weight...even if it was just in time to see it replaced by a 30 pound belly that kicks back whenever I poke it.
2009 has been quite a journey. It has included the highest ups and some the lowest downs of my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
I won't even pretend to know what I can do to better myself in 2010. I can't conceive how different life will be with a baby, but I do know one thing for sure: I want to be the best mommy I can be. I want to be the mother who is madly in love, attentive, interested, and active in her child's life. I can't promise to lose the baby weight, or start saving for college right away, or to keep the house immaculate at all times. All I can do is promise to do my best, and love this little miracle for all he's worth.
That being said, I couldn't have possibly prepared myself for the multiple speed bumps 2009 had in store for me. I had no way of knowing that I would lose my job, or that I would finally become pregnant, or that I would find a much better job with better people and better pay and a better commute just to live in fear of whether or not they would freak out when I finally admitted I was pregnant. I couldn't have known that I would fly in an airplane or see the lights of Las Vegas for the first time. I never would have guessed I'd come within 40 pounds of my goal weight...even if it was just in time to see it replaced by a 30 pound belly that kicks back whenever I poke it.
2009 has been quite a journey. It has included the highest ups and some the lowest downs of my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
I won't even pretend to know what I can do to better myself in 2010. I can't conceive how different life will be with a baby, but I do know one thing for sure: I want to be the best mommy I can be. I want to be the mother who is madly in love, attentive, interested, and active in her child's life. I can't promise to lose the baby weight, or start saving for college right away, or to keep the house immaculate at all times. All I can do is promise to do my best, and love this little miracle for all he's worth.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
2008 Resolution Review
It's funny that I was ready to throw my failed 2007 resolutions under the bus long before the year was over but now that I've actually done a fairly decent job with my 2008 resolutions I'm procrastinating. And I don't know that I'm avoiding the resolutions so much as I don't know what to say exactly. 2008 was actually a very, very good year to me for so many reasons and... oh, that's it! I still don't know how to write about anything in a positive light. I've had way too much practice writing about how much I dislike something or how unhappy I am that when it comes to being satisfied I'm at a loss for words.
So I think I'll just get right to the point and see where that takes me.
1. Dedicate 30 minutes to my appearance each morning.
30 minutes? Not exactly, but I do dedicate time for primping each morning so that when I walk into the office I look like a 20-something professional in a business casual environment as opposed to a co-worker's daughter on Bring Your Child to Work Day. My hair is usually styled, I wear as much makeup as I'm comfortable wearing, and I stopped wearing those jeans with the torn bottoms.
2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every weeknight.
I actually get 8 hours of sleep. I wake up every morning at 6:00 and workout for an hour. Most of the time, I can't function after 10:00PM anyway.
3. Write on a semi-regular basis.
Now that's funny. I like to write, I really do, but I am having the toughest time a) finding the time, and b) finding my niche. Like I mentioned before, you can't keep me away from the keyboard when I'm feeling down in the dumps, but when I'm content I'm all, "Hmm, I don't know what to say." I should still find time to write on a regular basis. After all, what's the point of keeping a blog if it sits quietly for all but 5 days of the month?
4. Walk the dogs every day (weather permitting).
Done. It's just unfortunate that the weather has not been permitting recently. Jon and I are pulling our hair out while dealing with 2 very restless dogs and sidewalks covered in snow that comes up to their chests. But before the snow and sub-zero wind chills blew in our night walks became so routine we had names for them: The Short Walk (around the block), The Short+ Walk (around the block and threw the park), and The Long Walk (weaving in and out of the multiple cal-de-sacs in our neighborhood). Walking the dogs with Jon each night felt so natural and comforting. It was a chance for us to talk without interruptions. It was a time for us to unwind and reclaim our lives after long days at work. I can't wait for the winter to end so we can resume our ritual. Not just for us, but also because I haven't found a better way to let the dogs get rid of all of this energy.
5. Read 40 books by December 31, 2008.
I stopped keeping track sometime in February, and I highly doubt I made it to 40 books. I think it was more like 20, again. I did get a good start for 2009 though--3 books so far.
6. Perfect the art of time management.
You know what I learned in 2008? I learned that I can't do everything and I learned that I had to be okay with that. I finally managed to convince myself that no one is perfect and I can't expect myself to be either. I learned that I needed to slow down, stop worrying about what I wasn't getting done, and start enjoying life with my husband and my dogs. No matter how much time I spend scrubbing and laundering and organizing there will always be something else, and while I do take time out to keep our home livable, I stopped obsessing about it and started spending more time doing the things that I want to do. Life is too short to waste so much energy nagging yourself the way I did.
7. Finish the Damn Desk already!
I'm sitting at right now. It's way too big for this room but it is one big, beautiful chunk of solid oak.
When I selected these resolutions last year I had no idea what was in store for me. They all seem so trivial compared to the 47 pounds I've lost and the peace I've found within myself. They don't compare to that day when I finally decided that I was never going to like myself until I did something about it and gradually turned myself into a person I don't mind being around 24-7. These resolutions were alright, but what 2008 really did for me was end an internal battle that had been going for almost a decade. It was a battle with myself to become a better person, inside and out. And I think I'm a better person.
So I think I'll just get right to the point and see where that takes me.
1. Dedicate 30 minutes to my appearance each morning.
30 minutes? Not exactly, but I do dedicate time for primping each morning so that when I walk into the office I look like a 20-something professional in a business casual environment as opposed to a co-worker's daughter on Bring Your Child to Work Day. My hair is usually styled, I wear as much makeup as I'm comfortable wearing, and I stopped wearing those jeans with the torn bottoms.
2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every weeknight.
I actually get 8 hours of sleep. I wake up every morning at 6:00 and workout for an hour. Most of the time, I can't function after 10:00PM anyway.
3. Write on a semi-regular basis.
Now that's funny. I like to write, I really do, but I am having the toughest time a) finding the time, and b) finding my niche. Like I mentioned before, you can't keep me away from the keyboard when I'm feeling down in the dumps, but when I'm content I'm all, "Hmm, I don't know what to say." I should still find time to write on a regular basis. After all, what's the point of keeping a blog if it sits quietly for all but 5 days of the month?
4. Walk the dogs every day (weather permitting).
Done. It's just unfortunate that the weather has not been permitting recently. Jon and I are pulling our hair out while dealing with 2 very restless dogs and sidewalks covered in snow that comes up to their chests. But before the snow and sub-zero wind chills blew in our night walks became so routine we had names for them: The Short Walk (around the block), The Short+ Walk (around the block and threw the park), and The Long Walk (weaving in and out of the multiple cal-de-sacs in our neighborhood). Walking the dogs with Jon each night felt so natural and comforting. It was a chance for us to talk without interruptions. It was a time for us to unwind and reclaim our lives after long days at work. I can't wait for the winter to end so we can resume our ritual. Not just for us, but also because I haven't found a better way to let the dogs get rid of all of this energy.
5. Read 40 books by December 31, 2008.
I stopped keeping track sometime in February, and I highly doubt I made it to 40 books. I think it was more like 20, again. I did get a good start for 2009 though--3 books so far.
6. Perfect the art of time management.
You know what I learned in 2008? I learned that I can't do everything and I learned that I had to be okay with that. I finally managed to convince myself that no one is perfect and I can't expect myself to be either. I learned that I needed to slow down, stop worrying about what I wasn't getting done, and start enjoying life with my husband and my dogs. No matter how much time I spend scrubbing and laundering and organizing there will always be something else, and while I do take time out to keep our home livable, I stopped obsessing about it and started spending more time doing the things that I want to do. Life is too short to waste so much energy nagging yourself the way I did.
7. Finish the Damn Desk already!
I'm sitting at right now. It's way too big for this room but it is one big, beautiful chunk of solid oak.
When I selected these resolutions last year I had no idea what was in store for me. They all seem so trivial compared to the 47 pounds I've lost and the peace I've found within myself. They don't compare to that day when I finally decided that I was never going to like myself until I did something about it and gradually turned myself into a person I don't mind being around 24-7. These resolutions were alright, but what 2008 really did for me was end an internal battle that had been going for almost a decade. It was a battle with myself to become a better person, inside and out. And I think I'm a better person.
Monday, January 7, 2008
A Year of Reform
It takes a rare talent to break all of your New Year's Resolutions in the first week of the year. I blame my tendency to be overly ambitious. You see, I began compiling a mental list over a month ago, and as the days went on the list grew longer and longer until the goals seemed unobtainable and the idea of writing them down was tedious. It wasn't until the new year began that I finally gave myself a deadline. I decided my goals had to be selected and written down by the same day that I declared them last year and put into action the following day. I just checked and discovered that today is it, so here goes nothing.
1. Dedicate 30 minutes to my appearance each morning.
Currently my jeans are too baggy, my corded sweater is faded, my hair is too fluffy, and I have absolutely no makeup on. I shouldn't be permitted to go out in public like this yet I do every day and to work no less. A lack of beauty skills, determination, and time in the morning is to blame. At some point last year, after too many late nights and too many early mornings I stopped caring and it shows. Fortunately my little sister bought me the queen of all hair straighteners for Christmas and I used gift cards to buy all new cosmetics. After one date with that hair iron, my makeup bag, and a trip to the salon for an eyebrow waxing I was reminded that I really do clean up well. It's time I matched that face with stylish clothes and presented my company with the non-frumpy version of Katie. This means I have to wake up at 6:00 in the morning.
2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every weeknight.
I can't get by on the 4 or 5 hours I've been giving myself for the last 6 months. My new bed time is 11:00.
3. Write on a semi-regular basis.
I went from writing every day back in 2000 to writing absolutely nothing for 6 years. Something finally broke me in June of 2006 and I returned, but not even on a remotely regular basis. And I regret those 6 years of silence more than ever now because I'm finally realizing that my memory isn't good enough to keep all of life's little moments in my subconscious record books. I don't have my wedding or honeymoon on record, and by golly, I don't want to miss anything else.
4. Walk the dogs every day (weather permitting).
When it was just Jack we did walk every day. He and I even visited most of the dog friendly Metro Parks in our area, but then we adopted Macy last February and I experienced one too many nightmarish walks consisting of tangled leashes, tripping, and all around madness. I've decided it's time to purchase a coupling harness and teach my dogs the proper way to walk, or at least teach them not to walk me.
5. Read 40 books by December 31, 2008.
I was probably somewhere in the ballpark of 20 books read in 2007 and it didn't feel like nearly enough, so I'm doubling it.
6. Perfect the art of time management.
I'll be spending more time sleeping, reading, walking, writing, and primping. Somehow I'm also supposed to do all of the bill-paying, laundry, cleaning, and cooking, and remain sane. I truly believe that where there's a will there's a way and I think it begins with not writing to-do lists only to procrastinate longer.
7. Finish the Damn Desk already!
A block of solid oak measuring in at 5 feet wide by 3 feet deep by 3 feet tall has gotten the best of me for three months already. The old oak desk that I pillaged from my parent's house has turned its temporary placement in my enclosed but unheated back porch into a permanent home and I won't stand for it any longer. The old finish has been removed and the desk has been cleaned entirely. Now all I have to do is sand, stain, and polyurethane, but I've been saying that for a month. I'm giving myself until March 15th to have the desk finished and transported to its real permanent home in the office.
1. Dedicate 30 minutes to my appearance each morning.
Currently my jeans are too baggy, my corded sweater is faded, my hair is too fluffy, and I have absolutely no makeup on. I shouldn't be permitted to go out in public like this yet I do every day and to work no less. A lack of beauty skills, determination, and time in the morning is to blame. At some point last year, after too many late nights and too many early mornings I stopped caring and it shows. Fortunately my little sister bought me the queen of all hair straighteners for Christmas and I used gift cards to buy all new cosmetics. After one date with that hair iron, my makeup bag, and a trip to the salon for an eyebrow waxing I was reminded that I really do clean up well. It's time I matched that face with stylish clothes and presented my company with the non-frumpy version of Katie. This means I have to wake up at 6:00 in the morning.
2. Get at least 7 hours of sleep every weeknight.
I can't get by on the 4 or 5 hours I've been giving myself for the last 6 months. My new bed time is 11:00.
3. Write on a semi-regular basis.
I went from writing every day back in 2000 to writing absolutely nothing for 6 years. Something finally broke me in June of 2006 and I returned, but not even on a remotely regular basis. And I regret those 6 years of silence more than ever now because I'm finally realizing that my memory isn't good enough to keep all of life's little moments in my subconscious record books. I don't have my wedding or honeymoon on record, and by golly, I don't want to miss anything else.
4. Walk the dogs every day (weather permitting).
When it was just Jack we did walk every day. He and I even visited most of the dog friendly Metro Parks in our area, but then we adopted Macy last February and I experienced one too many nightmarish walks consisting of tangled leashes, tripping, and all around madness. I've decided it's time to purchase a coupling harness and teach my dogs the proper way to walk, or at least teach them not to walk me.
5. Read 40 books by December 31, 2008.
I was probably somewhere in the ballpark of 20 books read in 2007 and it didn't feel like nearly enough, so I'm doubling it.
6. Perfect the art of time management.
I'll be spending more time sleeping, reading, walking, writing, and primping. Somehow I'm also supposed to do all of the bill-paying, laundry, cleaning, and cooking, and remain sane. I truly believe that where there's a will there's a way and I think it begins with not writing to-do lists only to procrastinate longer.
7. Finish the Damn Desk already!
A block of solid oak measuring in at 5 feet wide by 3 feet deep by 3 feet tall has gotten the best of me for three months already. The old oak desk that I pillaged from my parent's house has turned its temporary placement in my enclosed but unheated back porch into a permanent home and I won't stand for it any longer. The old finish has been removed and the desk has been cleaned entirely. Now all I have to do is sand, stain, and polyurethane, but I've been saying that for a month. I'm giving myself until March 15th to have the desk finished and transported to its real permanent home in the office.
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Not a Complete Catastrophe
I decided to check-up on my 2007 resolutions, seeing as I only have a month and a half left to resolve them all. What I found was that I'm not doing so hot, which didn't surprise me as I had to actually look them up in order to remember what they were. I'm thinking next year I won't be quite so vague in my choices. I'll give myself clear and defined goals, and somehow, some way, force myself to stick to them. Even if my willpower tends to dissolve quickly.
1. Continue preparing my body for the hopes of a baby in 2008.
Status: Incomplete
When I made this resolution 11 months ago Jon and I were both feeling like the batteries in our biological clocks were running out. Being told that though I wasn't "infertile", it was going to be very hard for me to conceive, made me feel as though the pressure was on full throttle. It was either get pregnant now or forever hold your derelict eggs, because if I'm having problems conceiving at 25, what are my chances at 30? I spent a few months obsessing over amounts of folic acid and caffeinated drinks. I was reading and implementing every fertility tip I could get my hands on. I cried every time I was told another family member or friend was pregnant, because I felt like a failure. But then one day it finally hit me, and I came to a fundamental realization--I'm still young, and I still have time. I began to overlook all of the old classmates and co-workers, who were my age, but already had children in grade school. I stopped feeling so pressured by the past 4 years of a childless marriage. I'm only 25-years-old, surely it can wait a few more years. Lucky for me, Jon is on the same page. He told me a few weeks ago that he will be extremely happy when we conceive, or even adopt, our first child, but he's already extremely happy spending his life with just me, and I couldn't agree more.
2. Enhance my social skills.
Status: Satisfactory
My little sister once looked me in the eye and said "I don't want to be like you, Katie. You don't have any friends." It was a harsh statement, blurted out while she was drowning in her own tears and anger, but those two little sentences felt like giant, iron fists rapidly, and repeatedly punching me in the gut. I have absolutely no resentment towards her for saying it, because after all, it wouldn't have hurt so much if it wasn't true. I just didn't think anyone noticed. I've carried the statement with me for two years, not as a grudge, but as a reminder, a memento for every time I sat quietly in a corner, or received an invitation to a party, because I couldn't make friends if I didn't communicate with people, and I certainly couldn't make friends if I didn't venture outside of my narrow comfort zone, and I so desperately needed friends. And so each time I felt invisible or caught myself on the verge of turning down an invite, I told myself "I don't want to be like you, Katie. You don't have any friends."
I'm still working on not sounding like a blathering idiot every time I speak, but at least I'm speaking, and at least I'm out there doing something, rather than throwing my own lonely pity party at home. The imaginary memento, compliments of my sister, that I carry in the back pocket of my jeans is paying off. I've gotten to know some really wonderful new people this year. I have friends and co-workers that I absolutely adore, and I can feel myself becoming more and more comfortable around them. My life hasn't been this busy since I juggled three different sports for three different leagues when I was a kid, and I don't think I would have it any other way.
3. Encourage the savings account to grow, not shrink.
Status: Incomplete
At least I can say the savings account has not shrunk. In fact, it might just be at the same exact dollar amount it was 11 months ago. Money has been moved in and it's moved right back out for various reasons. Owning a home has turned out to be a lot more expensive than I originally thought. New water heaters and doubling property taxes and gas bills have made saving incredibly hard. We also adopted Macy this year, who has turned out be a very pricey dog with one ailment after another. Unfortunately, pet insurance only looks like a good idea in hindsight. I wouldn't give either one up without a fight though, because I love my house, and I love my crazy dog even more. And let's be honest here, looking around our home, you can see that our priorities do not lie in building a savings account or preparing ourselves for future disasters, rather it's my hapless quest to make each room look like it belongs in a magazine, and my husband's much too expensive toys that hold our attention the most. This one should have been easy. This one should have read Satisfactory. This one will make it on next year's list, but hopefully in a more clear and defined resolution that I actually resolve to do.
1. Continue preparing my body for the hopes of a baby in 2008.
Status: Incomplete
When I made this resolution 11 months ago Jon and I were both feeling like the batteries in our biological clocks were running out. Being told that though I wasn't "infertile", it was going to be very hard for me to conceive, made me feel as though the pressure was on full throttle. It was either get pregnant now or forever hold your derelict eggs, because if I'm having problems conceiving at 25, what are my chances at 30? I spent a few months obsessing over amounts of folic acid and caffeinated drinks. I was reading and implementing every fertility tip I could get my hands on. I cried every time I was told another family member or friend was pregnant, because I felt like a failure. But then one day it finally hit me, and I came to a fundamental realization--I'm still young, and I still have time. I began to overlook all of the old classmates and co-workers, who were my age, but already had children in grade school. I stopped feeling so pressured by the past 4 years of a childless marriage. I'm only 25-years-old, surely it can wait a few more years. Lucky for me, Jon is on the same page. He told me a few weeks ago that he will be extremely happy when we conceive, or even adopt, our first child, but he's already extremely happy spending his life with just me, and I couldn't agree more.
2. Enhance my social skills.
Status: Satisfactory
My little sister once looked me in the eye and said "I don't want to be like you, Katie. You don't have any friends." It was a harsh statement, blurted out while she was drowning in her own tears and anger, but those two little sentences felt like giant, iron fists rapidly, and repeatedly punching me in the gut. I have absolutely no resentment towards her for saying it, because after all, it wouldn't have hurt so much if it wasn't true. I just didn't think anyone noticed. I've carried the statement with me for two years, not as a grudge, but as a reminder, a memento for every time I sat quietly in a corner, or received an invitation to a party, because I couldn't make friends if I didn't communicate with people, and I certainly couldn't make friends if I didn't venture outside of my narrow comfort zone, and I so desperately needed friends. And so each time I felt invisible or caught myself on the verge of turning down an invite, I told myself "I don't want to be like you, Katie. You don't have any friends."
I'm still working on not sounding like a blathering idiot every time I speak, but at least I'm speaking, and at least I'm out there doing something, rather than throwing my own lonely pity party at home. The imaginary memento, compliments of my sister, that I carry in the back pocket of my jeans is paying off. I've gotten to know some really wonderful new people this year. I have friends and co-workers that I absolutely adore, and I can feel myself becoming more and more comfortable around them. My life hasn't been this busy since I juggled three different sports for three different leagues when I was a kid, and I don't think I would have it any other way.
3. Encourage the savings account to grow, not shrink.
Status: Incomplete
At least I can say the savings account has not shrunk. In fact, it might just be at the same exact dollar amount it was 11 months ago. Money has been moved in and it's moved right back out for various reasons. Owning a home has turned out to be a lot more expensive than I originally thought. New water heaters and doubling property taxes and gas bills have made saving incredibly hard. We also adopted Macy this year, who has turned out be a very pricey dog with one ailment after another. Unfortunately, pet insurance only looks like a good idea in hindsight. I wouldn't give either one up without a fight though, because I love my house, and I love my crazy dog even more. And let's be honest here, looking around our home, you can see that our priorities do not lie in building a savings account or preparing ourselves for future disasters, rather it's my hapless quest to make each room look like it belongs in a magazine, and my husband's much too expensive toys that hold our attention the most. This one should have been easy. This one should have read Satisfactory. This one will make it on next year's list, but hopefully in a more clear and defined resolution that I actually resolve to do.
Sunday, January 7, 2007
2007 New Year's Resolutions
1. Continue preparing my body for the hopes of a baby in 2008.
2. Enhance my social skills.
3. Encourage the savings account to grow, not shrink.
2. Enhance my social skills.
3. Encourage the savings account to grow, not shrink.
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