Whew! That was a rough week. I've never been so happy to see a Friday in all my life, and believe me, I'm always happy to see a Friday.
I think it's pretty obvious that I have been on an emotional roller coaster since the announcement, but for some reason I couldn't see just how bumpy a ride it was until this week. My mood seems to be flip-flopping every 6 minutes from perfectly fine to kill me now. I don't know if it truly is all work related or if it's hormonal or perhaps even something I haven't been able to figure out yet, but it is draining me. I'm back to where I was 2 years ago when I had to give myself a pep talk every morning just to get out of bed and each leg seems to weigh 5 tons as I pull them out from under the covers. Obviously I'm not happy and I mostly understand why but I don't really know how to fix it, not when every tenth of an hour my outlook on life changes.
I took the dogs for an extremely long walk tonight in an effort to avoid running away from my thoughts. My thoughts may not always be pretty but I've been getting a little too dependent on seeking out friends and family to help lock them away. I've been running away from home on the nights that Jon isn't here because I don't want to be by myself and I think that's just sad. I used to revel in the time that I had to myself to read, to write, to watch last week's episode of America's Next Top Model. Finding the companionship is always great, but I know I'm not going to be able to fix my head by pretending nothing is wrong. I have to find a way off of this nauseating ride, and the longer I put it off, the harder it will be.