Friday, March 20, 2009

Uh oh, she's at it again

Dear Sad Self,

Your weakness sickens me. Your fear of change and what you are letting it do to you is giving me dry heaves. I get that your life is about to change forever and you have no say in it, but don't you think you could suck it up and do the right thing? No, of course not. That's why I've created a small list of demands I expect to go into effect immediately, if not for your sanity, then for mine. Please keep in mind that I could have started by banging your head against the wall, but for some weird reason I care about you, so I'm being civil for now.

1) Get off the fucking couch and start working out again. It takes 3 weeks to create a habit, but it only took you 3 days to break it. Embarrassing. Do you remember what happened last May when you started working out everyday? That's right! You were suddenly happy. You were more optimistic than you had ever been and you hadn't even lost a pound. So why on earth, when you're feeling depressed again and could use a little optimism, do you feel it's okay to stop releasing those feel-good endorphins? Suck it up and start moving. I'm tired of watching you blow off the fastest route to a so desperately needed attitude adjustment.

2) Stop trying to drown your stress in caffeine and chocolate! Sure, your doctor said those heart palpitations were harmless, but he also said they were caused by mixing--drum roll please--stress, caffeine and chocolate. You've gone well over a year without experiencing a single irregular heart beat and yet the last 2 nights you woke up in a cold sweat with a heart that was beating so fast you could see and feel it popping out of your chest. I don't care if they're harmless, they aren't healthy, and they are entirely preventable. You have to understand that you aren't going to find happiness in a bottle of Diet Coke and a bag of peanut M&Ms.

3) Understand that I--and everyone else in your life--loves you, and we will do everything we can to get you through this confusing time, but you have to make the final decision to let us help you. Don't make it so that we're talking until we're blue in the face and you still let yourself get swallowed up in doom. I'll tell you what, let's start easy. How about you stop worrying about losing the house, or about all of the things you have to do to put it up on the market before you've submitted a single application? Do you think that's asking too much? I don't, because I don't see the sense in letting go of anything without a fight. So, fight for it, and if we lose then we at least lose trying.

And there you have it. I've said my two cents. It's up to you to decide if you want to take it and fly or if you still want to crawl into that black hole you keep eyeing and wither away.

(Regretfully) yours,
Sensible Self

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