Today can be summed up to the first thing I noticed when I walked into my cubicle this morning: a box of my personal items had been thrown away. I'd started packing it Monday after they announced the company would be closing, but before I knew whether I was staying or going. I'd grabbed a box and started putting various things I'd purchased in to it like my thumb tacks, plastic filing racks, and a blue miniature Ohio license plate that said "KATIE" which I'd had hanging on my overheard cabinet for the last five years. After I found out that I'd be staying on with the company for a few more months, I just shoved the box under my desk, figuring I'd get back to packing sometime in the near future. But apparently I put it a little too close to the trash bin I keep stashed under my desk, because this morning I walked in to find the plastic filing racks sitting on top of my desk and an empty box sitting next to the trash bin underneath. The cleaning service cleaned me out of my personal effects. Oh well, I never really noticed that license plate anyway.
I finally know what it's like to be too busy to eat. We've gone from a department of 8 people to a group of 3 who are trying to handle the same work flow as we had last week. Each day my head is spinning in about 25 thousand different directions and everything is a priority but there's too much to do in one day. I'm not used to this. I'm used to having a very particular schedule that I follow. I'm used to setting morning deadlines and afternoon deadlines for myself so that I know everything will be done before I leave the building at 5:00. I'm used to scheduled breaks in which I eat my scheduled snacks but every day my snack has sat uneaten next to me because I'm too afraid to take a bite of an apple when the phone is ringing almost the moment I hang it up. I know I'll get used to this eventually. I have to find my rhythm and create new schedules but it is just so freaking hectic that I can't figure it out right now.
I'm thanking my lucky stars that tomorrow is my second shutdown day. I won't be getting paid, but I won't have to be at work!
On the bright side, my head is emerging from the fog just enough to pick out the good things this inevitable job loss will mean:
1. No commute. I don't care if it means I'm flipping burgers at McDonald's for a year until I can find something better in Summit County, but I will never again accept a position that has me driving an hour to and from work.
2. I will be happy eventually. I hadn't been happy at work for a very long time--probably close to 2 years--and it had only been getting progressively worse with each month (or week, or day...) that passed. I would come home from work and Jon would ask how my day was and I'd say it was the same as it always was--it sucked. I don't want to spend the rest of my working career at a job that does nothing for me but suck.
3. Branching out. I've been working with books for the last 11 years and here's my chance--and excuse--to try something different. Granted, I'm going to have some pretty slim picking, but I'll manage. I've also got some great ideas that with the right amount of research, determination, and skill I'll be able to love the job I do.